Out. Loud.

  Damn!  I am the funniest thing in the world.  Sometimes I amuse myself so much that I laugh out loud.  That's it!   It's the out loud part that makes me so funny.  I talk to myself.  All. The. Time. Out. Loud.

   I mean we all run tapes in our head - messages to ourselves about what needs to be done or what looks good or who is treating us well or who is being mean.  But conversations with yourself that you inadvertently share with those around you?  Too funny.   It hit me this morning.  RR is often the last out of bed so he generally makes the bed (sort of, anyway).  With the warmer weather, we usually take the beautiful hand made quilt off the bed at bedtime and lay it gently on the cedar chest for the night.  Once again this morning, I saw that RR had not returned the quilt to the bed but rather left it folded and draped over the cedar chest.  So, as I was completing the bed making job,  I promptly began reminding him (he was rooms away) that you need to replace the quilt on the bed in the morning because it is the prettiest part of our room... except when I am in there!  Which made me giggle because it so not true yet it is something he would say and I laugh to hear me say it.

    Later, I am getting ready to go out the door to an appointment and I catch a glimpse of my goofy hair in the dining room mirror.  Ha! Ha!.  Let's just say, I go for the unkempt, natural look - so goofy .  So I catch this glimpse and I chastise myself and say, out loud,  "Geez, you can't really be leaving like THAT, can you?"  and I tell myself to get myself in there and fix that messy hair.  "Oh, and while you're at it?  Why don't you find your phone and pull out the jacket you'll need later. And maybe you need to do something about that hair."  Like I really have to say those things out loud?  It's just quirky.

   At work, I generally leave my office door open unless I am with someone.  My office is directly across from the staff mailboxes.  Way too often is the occasion when someone at the mailboxes will poke their head in with a "Are you talking to me?" and I just have to laugh and admit to reminding myself out loud how to go about the process of whatever task (typically technological task) that I am attempting to do.  Talking to myself out loud, I suppose, is one way of staying focused on the steps in the task?  I don't know.  But I can laugh.

   Do you talk out loud?  If you do, do you think it's funny?  If others who are close to you talk to themselves out loud, do you ever say anything to them?  Do you think they are a bit weird?  RR ignores me much of the time - I think he just tunes me out - not in mean way but he has some of his own attention issues going on so he doesn't even know he's tuning me out.  It's okay with me.  I just tell myself whatever I need or want to hear.....

Goody Two Shoes

       Two 7th graders were suspended this week for fighting.   They are both "good" kids.  Rarely have I seen them in the office for discipline issues and they both maintain 3.0 or above gpa's.  Apparently one, in a fit of bravado,  told the other he could beat him in a fight and the gauntlet was thrown.  Knowing that fighting on campus would be the ticket to suspension and, for at least one of the boys, something that would upset his parents, these two guys decided to take the fight off campus.  


      Although no one officially sold tickets for the fight, pretty much half the 7th and 8th graders showed up for the entertainment.  Quite a crowd of hormone driven 12 and 13 year olds was mobbing on a trail just outside the school grounds promptly at 3:05..  What they failed to realize is that, legally, the time between home and school is the school's  responsibility so fighting ten yards off campus was the same as fighting on campus.  The PE teacher called the office the minute she saw the crowd.  I got on the PA system and immediately called every male teacher by name, asking them to go out to the field.  Purpose?  To let kids know supervision was on the way.  Males?  Yes, female teachers would go too but, in a fight, 12 year old boys more readily respond to the big male figure (even if he's 60 years old....).  


     In the end, Brett*  clearly came out the winner (after immediately knocking Justin* to the ground and then taking off on foot through the adjacent neighborhood).  Justin took the walk of shame to the office.  Of course, Brett got his comeuppance when he showed up at school the next morning (really?) but Justin had to face the music right then.  Dad responded at once and 20 minutes later, Justin was walking out of the office with a blend of defiance, confusion, embarrassment, and just plain defeat.  


       Justin is new to our school this year.  He is a quirky, creative, funny, guy who has that "old soul" feeling and who struggled to fit in at his previous school.  From the first day, I connected with Justin.  He has some health issues and I worked with him on how to explain his situation to teachers. He was upfront with me from the beginning about the bully issues at the previous school and I checked in with him regularly in the fall.   Our school is bigger and more diversified than his previous school.  He found acceptance by our kids in ways he that was never accepted before.  He flourished.  


     So when Justin was suspended, I wanted to give him some feedback.  Actually, I needed him to know a few things.  I sent him the following email:


Hi Justin, 
It's JT at BHS. 
         I wanted to check in with you just to see how you were doing.  I really enjoy having you at BH.  I find you to be an interesting, smart, and creative guy who also has a delightful sense of humor.  Back a few weeks ago (maybe in December?) , we talked one day at lunchtime and you wanted me to know you were not a "goody two shoes".  There was something about that comment that stayed with me. I guess I wondered if you assumed that I considered you a "goody two shoes".  Perhaps a definition is in order.  For me, that term means someone who somehow thinks they are better than everyone else.  They believe they have a market on always doing the right thing.  A "goody two shoes" is the kid who always has his/her hand up with answer, always is sitting prim and proper, always is focused on the impression they might be making on the authority figure ( whether that is a teacher, a boss, a cop, whatever)  -- BINGO  -- that's it - they care only about impressing.  

        Okay, now with my definition aside, I will say that you are not , in my mind, a goody two shoes.  I think you mostly do the right thing b/c that's the kind of person you are.  You come from a family where doing the right thing matters (however YOU see the right thing).  I think that , despite this fight incident, you are still a person intent on being kind, respectful, and honest.  I have been on the planet long enough to know that all people change.  I know that younger people are still determining who they are (frankly, older people too).  I know that that process means that you try on different ways of being to see if they fit and if you like them (much like you try on shoes to see if the fit and style are yours).  And one style might work for a while or shoes will fit for a while but then you will outgrow them and that is the process of becoming who you are.  

        All this is to say, again, I think you are a wonderful addition to our campus.  I like your spirit and your ability to accept everyone.   I am sure you have looked at your behavior the other day and likely talked to your parents and/or grandpa about the decisions you made that day.  In the big huge scheme of things, this is not going to be a big deal.....but it is a big deal right now.  How you see yourself now and how other kids see you might change and you can make that into a positive.  If you want to look at anything that might be helpful for you here at BHS, you know my door is always open.  Glad to have you here and I'll see you next week --

JT


What do you think?  Will it make a difference to Justin?


*  Of course, these are not their real names.