Tribute to Boring

   So I see these fun award posts in Bloggerland and have even been awarded a few along the way.  The thing that gets me is that each award includes the exhortation to provide seven (or ten, or eleven or some random number) little know facts about yourself as you pass the award on to someone else.  That stops me cold.  I don't have those quirky interesting facts to pass along.  Frankly, I think the word that might best describe my life right now is boring.  So, just for fun, I am going to give you eleven boring things about me.  Ready?

1.  I don't have any quirky food things.  I don't eat much crap - don't like it, doesn't make me feel good. I eat boring oatmeal with blueberries and/or strawberries for breakfast, generally salad for lunch, generally some kind of protein and some kind of veggie and some kind of salad for dinner.  Seldom eat dessert - don't much like it, don't much like how it feels.  Except the occasional homemade chocolate chip with walnuts cookies that Meg makes.....

2.  I don't watch reality shows or cooking shows or animated shows or even sit coms on TV.  Don't watch much TV at all (I warned you - BORING).  Yes, I tivo and watch at my convenience Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and Modern Family.  I will Netflix a series - currently The Good WIfe, previously Boston Legal (LOVE that one), Six Feet Under, quirky stuff like that - but that's about it for passive viewing.

3.  And, yes, I like to move, to get out and walk or bike or do ECT - even lift weights or do Pilates or yoga -- weirdo

4.  I avoid spending the night anywhere - I like my own bed and I fear bedbugs and whatever else might have gone on in that hotel bed the night before.... need I say more?

5.  I play Words with Friends for entertainment.  I seldom truly surf the web, though I will check in usually daily on Facebook, Blogger, Huffington Post, NPR, NY Times and will cruise the Amazon aisles on a regular basis.

6.  I like to get up early in the morning.  Every. Day.  Weekends. Included.   You will rarely find me awake past 10:30 and you will rarely find me still in bed after 5:30 am.

7.  I am not a big shopper.  I will deal with the Target type things every six weeks or so - and will go clothes shopping maybe three times a year.  I do have to go clothes shopping with my 25 year old daughter.  I count on her to dress me.  And, I do LOVE boots!  I get a new pair (at least one) every fall and I wear boots all fall and winter.  I like boots with a heel but I like Uggs too.  Oh, and I love skirts but not long ones - not short ones either (I know how old I am) but just above the knee length with tights in winter).

8.  I am adventurous when it comes to hair color but not so much when it comes to hair style.  I typically have fairly short hair and favor a style that is pretty much wash and wear.   I do like to change it around from time to time (currently planning on letting this short summer cut grow back into a bob sort of thing - WTH - in a year or two, I will cut it short again - keep them guessing!).

9.  I have been to Reno once (traveling through) and never to Vegas (though I live on the West Coast). Am not at all interested in gambling and the giant buffet type meals about which people exclaim.  The last thing I want to do is sit on a perch, breathe yucky cigarette smoke, and put stupid coins into a machine or throw money on a table with a bunch of drunk people.

10.  Although I enjoy at least one glass of California red wine pretty much every night, I haven't been drunk since I was in college.  I never really got drunk much then either as I did not like how I felt when I had too much to drink.  I have excellent self control.  How boring.   We won't talk about other forms of self medication.

11.  My beverage of choice is just plain iced cold water.  Boring.  I carry a Camelbak sippy thingy around the house and in the car - whoo hoo.  It can be so refreshing.

Okay, there you are.  Boring enough for you?

Conversations

      I watched an old episode of Northern Exposure last night in which 30 year old Maggie encounters her 15 year old self (imagination runs amok in this Alaskan town sometimes).  Maggie's 15 year old self was mortified when she realized who Maggie had become at the ripe old age of 30.  This older Maggie was no where near what the younger Maggie thought she would be.  Younger Maggie had assumed that older Maggie would have a prestigious  law practice and would be married, with two beautiful children and blended into the genteel life of Grosse Point,  Michigan.  Maggie the elder does not see the need to ever get married, may or may not have children and loves her adventurous life as a bush pilot in remote Alaska.  My, how people change. Naturally, the episode set me to thinking about how such an encounter would go in my life.

      I turned 15 the year Martin Luther King Jr and Robert Kennedy were assassinated.  This was the year after San Francisco's Summer of Love - a summer also known as the Long, Hot Summer for the race riots that battered the country.  I was an aware 15 year old, who paid attention to politics and even thought about politics as a career. I watched the Democratic Convention in Chicago with fascination and was shocked by the riots.  I was already inclined towards pacifism and anti-war activities  and, at 15, I was idealistic and, yes, naive.  Who isn't at 15?  And, in those years, it was hard to be a thoughtful young person and not get pulled into the fray.  After all, you weren't supposed to trust anyone over 30.

     But, beyond that political awareness, I can't tell you who or what I wanted to be at 15.  I don't think I thought much about getting married, though I am sure I assumed that I would have a family.  I am sure I assumed I would go to college but the details were vague.  My parents had not gone to college and there was no college account so I suspect I knew, as a 15 year old, that I would be going to the local public college and living at home.  It's odd for me to think about myself at 15.  I can only get a small glimpse of who I was and that is based on what I knew was going on in the world around me at the time.

     I suspect my 15 year old self would not have been too annoyed with my 30 year old self.  My world view at 15 was narrow so my 30 year old self (complete with college degrees, husband, house in town, and a VW Beetle of my own) would have impressed my younger self.   Would my 30 year old self approve of my 58 year old self?  You know, I think she would have but that's because even at 30 there was a TON of learning left to happen.  In much the same way that my 15 year old self was on the edge of an exiting leap into adulthood, my 30 year old self was sitting on the brink of a new life as well. Thirty was a new marriage, a new career twist, and the beginning of first time ever unprotected sex.  Babies, here we come!  At thirty, I thought I knew a thing or two and I am sure I did but there was so much more to learn.  I suspect 30 would find my 58 year old self acceptable though rather boring.  58 is a strong contributor to the community and 58 has done the hard work of parenting.  30 would enjoy 58 year old's children.  I don't see 58 as on the edge of change but that's where I might be surprised.  I wonder what 75 will think of 58?

Chapters One, Two, and Three

Chapter One.

Head spinning.
First day back at work after 18 glorious days of rest.
An 8th grader responded to my "How was vacation ?" question with a smile as wide as a beach.
Her response?  "Awesome!  A lot of lazy days!"
Perfect answer.
I could relate.


Chapter Two

Are there regrets?
That has been edging in from the side of my brain all day.
It came from a post I read at 4:15 this morning and it hasn't gone away yet.
Are there things in life that I wish I would have done differently?
I responded to the blog poster  (who is one remarkable writer) that, yes, there are things I would do MORE of
But
Would I do things differently?
The jury is still out.
Too soon really to know for sure.
One thing I do know:
I want to be bigger in life.


Chapter Three

How do you spend money?
There is only so much discretionary income.
There was a time in my life when I was all about experiences.
Spend money on doing, not on things.
I bought education and days in Asia,  Europe, South America.
What changed?
Now I hesitate to spend $6,000 on a two week adventure - not a cruise but an independent adventure
to Alaska next summer.
Airfare, lodging, incidentals for two weeks for two people = 6000 big ones.

Isn't that what you are supposed to do?
The culture says travel.
Go, see the world.
Hell, I want to see my OWN world.

Ugh
I hate this
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I NOT chomp at the bit to get out there and TRAVEL like other people do?
I like learning new people, places, and things.
I do NOT like planning trips.
Someone else take care of the details, please.

I do not have ton of money.
And
I DO like eating out on Friday evenings. cha ching
I DO like buying books and ipads, massages and boots.  cha ching
I want to retire.  cha ching
And I have kids in college. cha ching

Why can't I be okay with me if
I want to stay home?

Owning a LIfe

      The notion of choice has been weaving through my thoughts all weekend.  I recognize that a person really does choose many things in life.  People don't choose their  families of origin and they can't choose many aspects of childhood.  Once, however,  they reached physical maturity  say, age 18, the choices they make become their life.

     The thing about choices is that you have to keep making them. You have to realize you are doing that.  Your decision making must be intentional.  I suspect many lives end being dismally empty or mediocre.  The owners of those lives may well feel as if they didn't have choices along the way (ie, I had to have a job, I had to stay married, I had to buy a house, etc). The real truth is that they did have choices but they didn't recognize the choices at the time.  Or, perhaps they initially saw the choice (I am choosing to work at this occupation) but then fell into the clutches of security and routine (I can't leave this job; I need the paycheck or I am too ________  to try something new - you fill in the blank).  

      I maintain that it takes courage to see life as choices.  It means that you are owning your own life.  It means that you understand that if you are carried away into mediocrity or living a life that is less than you want it to be, then it is your choice.  I can appreciate  that  security, and, grandest of all obstacles, cowardice, can lead to a life of mediocrity and bitterness.  Mediocrity and bitterness are by products of  choices made, even if the choices are made under duress or somewhat unconsciously.  Life will be a disappointment unless you think about everything you do, unless you make every choice the best one you know how to make.

Cliche of the Day

     The cliche of the day is the one about choices:  life is one choice after another.  It's all choices, whether you acknowledge it or not.  The tough thing about choices is that you never can predict the outcome.  You have to trust yourself and trust something unknown that all will be well.  There are the little choices.  Do I read or do I go out and do yard work?  Do I let the dogs in or let them stay out?  Do I have a cookie for breakfast or not?  There are the medium choices.  Do I spend money on a trip to Ireland or do I save the money to help pay for college expenses?  Do I get a mammogram this year or skip it?  Do I agree to edit the yearbook again this year or decline?  And, of course, there are the BIG decisions/choices.  Work or graduate school?  Marry this man or not?  Move to another part of the country or stay put?
     Funny thing is , even those little choices can get you. Surprises do happen.  Choices made that then led to the unexpected.  I chose to take a bike ride one afternoon and ended up with broken bones.  I went out to have lunch with my aunt one afternoon 35 years ago and ended up with a job teaching 8th grade.  I registered for a class one semester at SJSU and ended up getting divorced.  Go figure.
    And the big ones?  You do the best you can with the information that you have.  You make the choice and ride it out, never really knowing the outcome of any different options.   You made a choice and life unfolded.  And, still, surprises do happen.  Maybe even more so with the big choices.  And maybe all you can do is live and wait and be willing to be surprised.