I've started a farewell to 2011 post a couple of times now and it's not working for me. I don't really like to look backwards but I can see the value of examining the life already lived. 2011 saw my life break into shards but, the thing is, I was the only one who saw the breakdown. I let a tiny fistful of people see pieces of that collapse and I tried to paint it but I am the only one who really knows what happened. I prefer it that way.
I do believe I literally broke and I do believe that the pieces are still all around me on the floor. I have reached a point where I am not afraid of them anymore. They will not cut me. They will not kill me. I have even started to pick them up occasionally and will run my fingers over them to feel the smooth yet sharp texture. When the disintegration first occurred, the shards were shiny red but since that time, they have become more mellow, a deeper, ancient sort of red. There are some of the shiny ones still flashing in the winter sunlight but mostly the pieces are less flamboyant, less garish. At first, I couldn't imagine that the pieces could ever be anything but dangerous. Time has a way of changing one's perceptions, however, and now I think that if I allow myself to become acquainted with those splinters and slivers perhaps I can put them to some kind of use in 2012. I am creative but I am also hugely defined by my personal culture and history. I fear I have some more breaking to do but perhaps this will be more breaking out than breaking apart. I am curious to see what happens to those shards in the upcoming year. One thing for sure, though: I am not afraid of them.
I do believe I literally broke and I do believe that the pieces are still all around me on the floor. I have reached a point where I am not afraid of them anymore. They will not cut me. They will not kill me. I have even started to pick them up occasionally and will run my fingers over them to feel the smooth yet sharp texture. When the disintegration first occurred, the shards were shiny red but since that time, they have become more mellow, a deeper, ancient sort of red. There are some of the shiny ones still flashing in the winter sunlight but mostly the pieces are less flamboyant, less garish. At first, I couldn't imagine that the pieces could ever be anything but dangerous. Time has a way of changing one's perceptions, however, and now I think that if I allow myself to become acquainted with those splinters and slivers perhaps I can put them to some kind of use in 2012. I am creative but I am also hugely defined by my personal culture and history. I fear I have some more breaking to do but perhaps this will be more breaking out than breaking apart. I am curious to see what happens to those shards in the upcoming year. One thing for sure, though: I am not afraid of them.
