Speaking of Anger

       Last night my good friend and neighbor Lesly died.  She had been diagnosed with cancer in the fall of 2009 and lived the ups and horrible downs of life with cancer ever since.  There is a huge hole in the world this morning with Lesly's departure.  She was a smart, creative, caring, and fun person.  She leaves a beautiful family mourning her death.  Her presence in the community was quiet, helpful, and always accompanied by good wishes.  She was a highly valued employee of FedEx and the customers along her route cheered every time she returned to work after facing yet another round of chemo.  We will miss her.

    Lesly was the parent of two children.  Her insurance with FedEx paid for not only her medical care but that of her children.  She accrued retirement benefits and those should be useful for her family, right?  "Should be" - operative words.  Lesly was not married.  In fact, Lesly was legally not allowed to marry her life partner.  Even though Stacey and Lesly were committed to each other for 27 years and had two now teenaged children together, they could not legally marry.  A very practical outcome of this situation is that Stacey cannot access Lesly's retirement account.  It died along with Lesly.  Social Security benefits died with Lesly too.  That enrages me.

      I am married and have two children.  If my husband dies, I am entitled to his retirement and SS benefits. Stacey and Lesly would have been married if the love they had for each other was recognized by the state of California.  Stacey, Clare, and Ian would have at least had some kind of financial security if that marriage had been recognized.  I understand that some people hold onto a belief that marriage is a union only between a man and a woman.  Explain to me, please, how Stacey and Lesly's union cannot be recognized as the marriage that it was. Certainly people are entitled to their own beliefs and, trite as it sounds, if you don't support gay marriage then simply don't choose that option for yourself.  But it is wrong to deny benefits to couples like Stacey and Lesly simply because your religious beliefs stand in the way of such a union for you.

G: Gay Rights

(Disclaimer:  This is an unabashed opinion piece, sociopolitical in nature.  I care passionately about this issue but stop right now if your blood boils at the idea of same sex families.)


      Human  sexuality is brilliant in its complexity.  I do have faith in credible science and I am fascinated with the relatively recent research in sexuality.  Research suggests  that aspects of human sexuality are essentially based on a continuum.  For example, the breadth and depth of human sexual appetite can be laid out on a continuum from a very limited desire (or even no desire) to a much more voracious appetite.  Placement on the continuum is individual and normal.  Control of the appetite can be problematic but that does not take away from placement as individual and normal.

      In the same way, research suggests that sexual orientation is not a choice but rather is one part of who we are.  Sexual orientation ranges from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual and the range in between allows for all blended possibilities.  If we assume that orientation is not a choice (and I do), then I cannot understand what issue there could possibly be with same sex partnerships.  What possible impact could a same sex partnership have on my heterosexual marriage?  If these two people are attracted to each other, what possible business can that be of mine?  If they love each other and want to bring that love to a new level by parenting children, how could this be a problem?  In fact, if they want to have a child, there has to be more thought than with heterosexual relationships.  After all, pregnancy is not an accident with homosexual partners.  Speaking as a professional who works daily with plenty of children who are growing up in dysfunctional families  - in part, I suspect, because their conception was a "surprise" - I am often impressed with the strong and steady parenting of my two dad and two mom families.  Something about the planning and thought that went into becoming families makes for stronger families.

    In the interests of keeping this post short, I simply want to ask:  why, in these tumultuous times, would we, as a society, deny anyone the opportunity for family ties?  I don't understand how people can be so judgmental and unkind to other people who simply want to create family as they see it.  If you think you have an answer, I urge you to respond.  I genuinely want to know your rationale.