I'm a "None"

    The headline on the editorial page this morning caught my attention:  "Meet the 'Nones':  Spiritual but not Religious".  The "Nones".  That's what pollsters call those Americans who check the "None" box when asked about their religious affiliation. Apparently, this group is growing fast and, um, guess what?  I am one of them.

     It made me think about how that happened.  I was raised in a devout Roman Catholic household.  Along with my siblings, I attended Catholic schools.  The family's social world revolved entirely around the parish and the extended (Catholic) family.  Daily Mass was part of the school in the lower grades and Sunday Mass was a command performance. There were prayers before and after every meal, while traveling in the car, and after dinner during the months of May and October.  All rituals surrounding Lent and Advent were adhered to.  I memorized so many prayers and so many answers to life's toughest questions.  I even won the local Catechism Bee in 8th grade.  As a child, I think it was actually a protective and secure bubble.

    The significant cultural changes of the late 60's/early 70's blasted the whole Catholic Church thing out of the water for me.  I came to resent the power and control that I saw as the Church.  So much power and control over sexuality angered me.  Birth control?  Really?  That's a problem why?  Oh, because the one and only purpose for sex is procreation.  Hmmm,  how about allowing people to enjoy sex would make the Church lose power?  And women as priests?  And what was/is the problem with that?  That's not the gender that was taken into Jesus's circle of disciples?  How about that was the culture at the time Jesus walked the Earth?  So much else in the culture changed and we survived.  Why not allowing women to have some authority? Oh, right, control and power.  There are lots of examples I could cite but, overall, I felt (and still feel) as if the Church was all about controlling the behaviors of people rather than encouraging people to think through their choices for themselves.  That's when I started checking the "None" box.

     Don't get me wrong.  I do know some very good people who are faithful members of the Catholic Church.  And the focus on social justice issues has always been one of the saving graces of some of the Church leadership.  It just doesn't fit for me. Or, perhaps I should say, I don't fit in it.

     Along the way, people have occasionally suggested that I try this church or that church - something not Catholic.  And I guess I wonder why I would do that.  What is it that people who belong to a church get from that experience?  Why would a person belong to a church?  Many people want community and a church community gives you, presumably, a group of like minded people with whom to socialize.  Those of you who know me, know that I am not too big on socializing.  I suppose a church also gives its members tools to get through life.  Church members know the rules and they know the consequences.  Embracing a church means you are privy to answers to some very tough questions - questions that I find impossible to answer with certainty.  It also means you really don't have to think too much about the questions because the answers have been provided.  You can live your life with confidence, based on your beliefs. I suppose I am choosing to continue to wonder rather than believe.

    Checking "None" does not mean that I am an atheist.  No, I wouldn't say that at all.  It means I am curious and interested.  It means I am willing to read and learn about all religions.  It means that I am happy for people to peacefully practice their chosen religion for themselves.  I don't want to be controlled by the religions of others.  I don't want religions to tell me what to do but it's okay if anyone else wants a religion to help guide their way while on Earth.  But please don't allow your religion to dictate my life.  Again, I believe I am a spiritual person.  As the author of this article puts it. "Most "Nones" have a reverence for a power greater than ourselves and crave a deeper understanding of its significance."  Yup, that's me.

   How about you?  Do you belong to a church?  Care to tell why or why not?

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***  I dont' remember the correct way to footnote but the article was written by Corinna Nicolaou and originally appeared in the Los Angeles Times.  I spotted it in the Jan 4, 2013 issue of the Santa Rosa Press Democrat.

Buyers Wanted

      I went to a funeral yesterday,  The deceased was my 87 year old uncle.  He was also my godfather in the Catholic tradition.  John was truly salt of the earth, a genuine good person who lived a life worth emulating.  He was married to my aunt for lots of years (60+) and raised seven responsible, good people.  His children range in age from mid 40's to 60ish and, though I don't know most of them well, I have a huge amount of respect for all of them.

     John and Lucille were devout Catholics.  For their entire lives together they wrapped themselves and their children in the parish, the beliefs of the church, and the rituals and traditions of the faith.  Because their religion was essential to John and Lucille and to most (if not all) their grown children,  the funeral service reflected this value system.  I appreciated the opportunity to sit in the back of the church and observe and reflect on what unfolded in front of me.  I was raised in the Catholic faith but chose to set it aside when I was in college.  So, although the service did not reflect my current way of thinking, I was familiar with all parts of the ritual and I knew the beliefs behind the words and gestures.

    Although I know the beliefs behind the words and gestures, I just can't buy them.  I was impressed with the homily (aka sermon) delivered by another uncle who has been a Catholic priest for almost 50 years.  In his remarks, Fr Ralph talked about death being on a par with birth.  That is, when a child is born, he/she leaves the safe, familiar, comfortable world of the womb and is pushed out into a world of a million sensations - all new and most intense.  And the new born baby has no other choice but to ride it out and see where it all goes.  For the most part, most people would say the ride in the new world was worth it.  And so it goes:  when we die, we are being thrust into a new world and wonders await us there.  Sounds fine to me. I am open to what might come next.  I might even say I am curious.

     The way I heard it, Fr Ralph also talked about how people need a faith community in order to sustain their beliefs in Jesus Christ and all that He offers.  I guess that's where I'm stuck.  I don't have any problems with Jesus.  I like what He taught  but I also know that his words and life were recorded by people who may have distorted his words and actions for various reasons. The Catholic Church grew into a powerful institution and I don't want to participate in the rigidity and often close minded precepts that mark the twenty first century Church.  I don't know why Fr.  Ralph thinks we need a faith community.  I do need people and connections, no doubt.  But I don't want to be told what I must believe.  I have a finely honed sense of right and wrong by my own standards and I most certainly hold myself accountable. Do I need a community to keep me i check?  No, I do a pretty good job of that all by myself.  I have made mistakes.  Plenty of them.  But I live now with all those voices from the past.  I grew up feeling as if I could never be good enough for God - and now?  Now I think God would love me just the way I am.

   Don't get me wrong.  I am happy that people who want a faith community can have a faith community.  I'm just not comfortable with the notion that spiritual life is a one size fits all thing.  I am not disrespectful of any faith tradition. But please don't tell me I have to buy it.