Hmmmm.... I've been thinking. And thinking is something I am good at doing. In fact, I am pretty damn good at thinking and I find myself constantly wanting to "figure this out". I get discouraged when I reach to find the answer to some nebulous issue and I see and hear thoughts rolling over and over through my head. It gets loud and congested and maddening in there when that happens. Until recently, I have just assumed that this is the way it is. It mirrored so much else about my life. The "busy-ness" of my life has been the perfect match for the head traffic and I have accepted that as the way life is for someone who is reasonably intelligent and who is culturally successful.
But I am starting to wonder about all this now. I am noticing in myself the desire to stop this craziness. I am noticing that the slower and the quieter I go, the more gladness and delight I find in the world. I am accustomed to working hard and giving 1,000% in everything I do. And, certainly, that has paid off nicely in terms of the standard definition of success. I have a good job, a comfortable home in a desirable location, two college educated and compassionate children. But it hasn't left much time at all for just being, for simply absorbing the world.
There were tasks to be done in younger years. Perhaps now the task for me is to start listening more to the soft voices in my head. Oh, and trust me, they are there. They have always been afraid to speak above a whisper because the voice of Busy is so damn loud and, frankly, scary. I am guessing that the only way I can make the world safe for the soft voices to speak to me is to send Busy away. That's hard to do because Busy is also bossy and has been in charge since I was pretty much about 12 years old. I'm not sure how I am going to accomplish the dismissal of Busy but stay tuned. I'm sure that I will want to write about it.
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This post came to me as an immediate reaction to listening to the YouTube video of the recent Kennedy Center Honors 2012 tribute for Led Zeppelin. What is it about this song that is so powerful? And this rendition is made all the more intense by the reactions of the three surviving original band members to their music being performed on stage. The tears that came to my eyes must be about the passage of time but also about the haunting beauty of this song. It's moments like this that make me KNOW I need to send Busy packing. I need to make time to listen to music that touches me, to walk in the early dawn and be seized by the world waking up. I need time to read and to absorb what I am reading. I need time to play with words and with the colors and textures of paint. I need time to feel my life rather than just run my life. I need time to taste and time to be, maybe even time to find out who is there in my head besides Busy.
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder
And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
And it makes me wonder
Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all, yeah
To be a rock and not to roll
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
