Just Pretend

        I live in the so called wine country of Northern California.  My town used to be surrounded by apple orchards but the winery owners have taken over the county.  Where once there were acres and acres of apple orchards, now there are rows and rows, hillsides and hillsides of vineyards.  I have reservations about this change in the local agricultural economy.  The main concern is that the grapes requre more water than the apples did and so the water table is gradually being depleted.  Not good for the long run.  What will the farmers do in 30 years?  The short sightedness of land owners and growers is beyond me.

     Okay, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I will add that I do enjoy wine. These days my preferences lie with the reds - pinot noir or petite syrah - but I am not -  AM NOT - a wine snob.  As a 20 something year old, I enjoyed going wine tasting and learning about the wines but close to the end of that decade I got married .  Michael does not drink anything ("I don't like the taste of wine", he says but I don't think he's given it a try).  I do like the taste and I like the feel of wine.

    I know many people have issues with alcohol,  It is my firm belief that my dad was an alcoholic and I know I need to be aware of that.  But I must say that an evening glass of wine goes a long way towards making my life doable.  I go to work all day, come home, take care of chores, but always look forward to my glass of wine with dinner.  On Friday nights, we often go to a little place here in town where everyone knows our names and then I might have two glasses of wine.

     Yes, I savor the taste but I also appreciate the slight change in perspective and attitude that the wine will induce.  I will be very clear here:  I NEVER - repeat NEVER - have a glass of wine and drive,  Nor do I have a glass of wine when I have to attend a school related function.  If I am planning on being in for the evening, a glass of wine can take the edge off an otherwise disappointing and/or difficult day.  I have always been hard on myself.  I have always been intense and I have generally needed to the best at whatever I do.  In my doddering old age, I am finding that a nightcap at the end of the day allows me to be kinder to myself.  It sometimes allows me to feel something that I couldn't (or didn't want to) feel before.  A glass of wine is an appropriate filter on the day.  I keep it together all day.  I work hard and I am uber responsible.  i just, sometimes, want to forget all that.  I want the glass of wine to sail me away to a place where I can be fragile, vulnerable, and not strong.  I want a glass of wine sometimes to carry me away to a place where I can laugh and just pretend that it is not a sucky world after all.