Stopped

Stopped

slammed up against the wall
tortured hands dug into brick
neck wrenched as if wrung
cheekbones touching concrete

no breath
aching power
strength beyond the years
and the wall won't budge

Wall so high
wall so hard
wall so gray
soul so done



step back
two steps
breath returns
movement  possible

edge of blue above
edge of green below
lungs expand
and wall still there

eyes open

No More Walls

“Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” 
― Anaïs Nin, Incest: From a Journal of Love

      
      Doesn't that sound cool? If only I could make it be true.  On some level, reality does not impress me but it is the stuff of life.  I don't know how I can ignore it. 

      I like the notion that intoxication is the best.  I wish ecstasy were my middle name.  And ordinary life? He is my guard for sure.  It's too scary, or maybe too complicated, to do anything else.   I have always been a person who was schooled in the rules.  And, really?  I suppose they have served me well.

    What the hell is wrong with being complacent?  With being ordinary? In my head, the world is not ordinary.  But that world is walled in and must stay that way.  Because reality is safe.

W: Walls

        From “Mending Wall”

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.

Robert Frost

       Walls interest me.  The physical walls in the world can be low and decorative, they can be complicated and rich with texture, they can be high and shout , “I dare you to climb over me”.   Walls can keep dogs and babies in, they can give roses and kids a place to climb and they can keep robbers and heartbreakers out.  Walls can be concrete and smooth or can be brick and mortar construction.  It seems to me, if you are looking for protection, a wall might give you that.  Among my father’s many talents and skills, was the ability to lay brick, to build strong brick walls and I can still see him building the wall in our back yard (upon which he once told me that if I ran fast enough on the top of that three foot wall, I would be able to launch myself into flight.  Oh, how I tried!).

     

      There are also imaginary walls , created in the mind.  These walls can be designed to keep something inside.  They can also be  designed to keep someone away.  They can provide protection for the heart,  a refuge  for the soul, and some breathing room for the mind.  My father was the strong silent type of father.  Child of the Great Depression and boy soldier in the South Pacific during WW2, he saw more hardship than anyone should see in a young lifetime.  When he came back from the war, I think he build those imaginary walls in his mind.  I observed a hard working, responsible, loyal man who kept most people at a distance.  His internal walls were as strong and well built as those brick walls he laid.  I was a kid who watched the world.  Ever cautious, I looked at what the adults in my world did and I followed their lead.  I learned how to build strong walls from watching him.  Overall, they have served me well.

      Just for fun, I invite the reader to look at some walls I have seen.  Can you climb over them?