Need to Read

 “Books are a uniquely portable magic.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

       Ah, yes, reading.   Reading is what I depend on to get me through the day, through life.  It is my current one-and-only-go-to drug. I start and end my day with reading and spend  much of my free time and my work time reading one thing or another.  Reading, in one form or another, is what motivates me to get out of bed in the morning.

 

      My first pleasure of the day (generally around 4:30 am) is to check my email and see if there is anything good.  "Anything good" means an email from friends or family, a link to some interesting article, a quote from Goodreads to start my day, stuff like that.  After I take a few minutes to compose any necessary responses or send any emails out, I check a few other on line pleasures:  Huffington Post, FaceBook, Blogger, New York Times - just a few minutes to see what might be happening out there.  If time permits or it works into part of my workout time, I check Flipboard on my ipad.

      When I get home from work, generally I simply want some space, some silence, and something to read. I always have several books "going" but there is a primary one.  This is the one I will grab after work.  At other times and in different moods, I will select one of probably ten different periodicals to which we subscribe.  I might also choose something related  to painting or writing or even something related to work.  It's all good.

        I wonder what it is about reading that satisfies me so much.  I would much rather read than watch television.  I would rather read than socialize in the evenings. Reading is my default for relaxation, for escape, for good times and bad times.  I seldom drive away from the house without putting something to read in the car (just in case I have a flat tire and I have to wait for AAA). I love exploring things to read and have an intimate relationship with Amazon.com for book reviews.  I have been on Goodreads for several years but just recently started using it for more than quotes.  My idea of a lovely Saturday afternoon is to wander around the local independent bookseller and drool over all the books.  

      Again, I ask:  what is it that is so satisfying?  Is it the escape?  My life is not so terrible!  I don't need an escape.  Perhaps reading plays with that part of my brain that wants excitement and novelty, wants to learn, wants to feel, wants to be alive.  I find myself reading and rereading some sections simply because I delight in the way the words sound.  Sometimes I am taken with the way the words make me feel, even when that feeling is ephemeral and difficult to describe.  I do think reading connects me to something. Sometimes the connection is to the author or to the content.  More often, the reading connects me to some part of myself.  So that's it!  Reading is about connecting.  Connecting allows me not to be alone in my doubts, my thoughts, my dreams, my imagination.

    Does this fit?  

             “We read books to find out who we are. What other people, real or imaginary, do and think and feel... is an essential guide to our understanding of what we ourselves are and may become.” 

                       Ursula K. LeGuin

    Yes, I kind of like that.

      

   

   

The Silver Lining

June 10, 1964

      Yesterday I wrote about attending my elderly uncle's funeral.  Those occasions are certainly difficult days but there can be a silver lining in such events.  For me, family funerals are painful but they are also precious times to renew connections with extended family members.  I have about 35 first cousins on my mother's side of the family and most of these first cousins have children of their own.  Now that "the greatest generation" is dying (many of my uncles fought during WW2), we meet to say goodbye to another elder but we also meet to visit and connect with our own generation.  Sadly, we have already lost six of the 11 elders and four of the cousins from my generation so we know we are not far behind.

     The extended family is scattered primarily on the West Coast and mostly in California.  When funerals happen, people make every effort to leave their homes and gather where the family of the deceased lives.  Of course, there is a great enfolding of the branch of the family that has been most impacted by the death but the ripples extend to all.  Oddly enough to me, we have weddings too but they don't draw the same people.  I went to a handful of my first cousins' weddings back in the day but I don't see myself on the guest list for their children's weddings - gotta draw the line somewhere!

    One of the best things to come out of the funeral this week was this:  I got a chance to meet two cousins that I remember meeting only once (I was ten at the time....they were 2 and 8 years old.  Does that count?).  Near as we can figure, their dad and our mutual grandfather had some kind of falling out back in the early 1960's.  As a result, that family rarely came to family gatherings. They lived maybe a couple of hours from my home but somehow packing all of us into the family car and going out to visit the other family never happened.  Don't know why.

   It was such a pleasure to meet these two sisters!  They are 50ish and stunningly beautiful (clearly in every way).  The three of us stood together with a couple of other 50ish cousins and tried desperately to make up for lost time.  Impossible! I had the strong sensation that. because of some adult issue from way back when, we kid cousins got cheated out of this connection.  The people at the church were in need of the hall back so we had to move on but not before promises were made to arrange a weekend get together (sans funeral) soon.  I am on it!