Chapters One, Two, and Three

Chapter One.

Head spinning.
First day back at work after 18 glorious days of rest.
An 8th grader responded to my "How was vacation ?" question with a smile as wide as a beach.
Her response?  "Awesome!  A lot of lazy days!"
Perfect answer.
I could relate.


Chapter Two

Are there regrets?
That has been edging in from the side of my brain all day.
It came from a post I read at 4:15 this morning and it hasn't gone away yet.
Are there things in life that I wish I would have done differently?
I responded to the blog poster  (who is one remarkable writer) that, yes, there are things I would do MORE of
But
Would I do things differently?
The jury is still out.
Too soon really to know for sure.
One thing I do know:
I want to be bigger in life.


Chapter Three

How do you spend money?
There is only so much discretionary income.
There was a time in my life when I was all about experiences.
Spend money on doing, not on things.
I bought education and days in Asia,  Europe, South America.
What changed?
Now I hesitate to spend $6,000 on a two week adventure - not a cruise but an independent adventure
to Alaska next summer.
Airfare, lodging, incidentals for two weeks for two people = 6000 big ones.

Isn't that what you are supposed to do?
The culture says travel.
Go, see the world.
Hell, I want to see my OWN world.

Ugh
I hate this
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I NOT chomp at the bit to get out there and TRAVEL like other people do?
I like learning new people, places, and things.
I do NOT like planning trips.
Someone else take care of the details, please.

I do not have ton of money.
And
I DO like eating out on Friday evenings. cha ching
I DO like buying books and ipads, massages and boots.  cha ching
I want to retire.  cha ching
And I have kids in college. cha ching

Why can't I be okay with me if
I want to stay home?

Years to Float On

    So there's this adage which suggests that most people with regrets tend to regret what they didn't do rather than what they did do.  For a long time in my life, I really didn't experience regrets.  True, I had an early marriage which ended in a traumatic and wrenching divorce.  But by the time I had reached my late 20's, I had come to see that particular marriage and divorce as good things in my life.  I  had accrued some student loan debt but there were no regrets there.  I had my heart broken a few times and I broke a few hearts in my 20's but these were, in no way, regrettable loves.  I had selected a career field and gladly sailed off into it.

    Life rolled on and another marriage, two children, and a draining career filled my days.  I was good at working, good at being an attentive parent, and maybe not so good at being an attentive wife.   And now I find myself sitting on the other side of all that and wondering if there are regrets.  I know, I know, what good does it do to even consider that but, yes, I think an evaluation is in order.  After all, my life is not over yet.  I suspect, baring more bike accidents, I might have a good thirty years to float around here.  So what about this notion of regretting what I did or did not do?

    Not so many regrets on what I did.  My children are responsible and valuable members of society.  I wanted them and I did my best work with them.   I was always glad to go to school.  I enjoyed my BA years, loved getting my MA and credentials, enjoyed taking miscellaneous classes along the way.  I don't regret, at all, our decision to leave Silicon Valley and raise our family in the quieter, more community based area of Western Sonoma Co.   We live in an unbelievably beautiful and tolerant part of the county. Who could ask for more?

     So cut to the chase.  Are there things I wish I had done?  I know there are things I think I SHOULD have done but what about wish I had done?  I am still mulling that over.  How about you?