Monday, January 9, 2012

Chapters One, Two, and Three

Chapter One.

Head spinning.
First day back at work after 18 glorious days of rest.
An 8th grader responded to my "How was vacation ?" question with a smile as wide as a beach.
Her response?  "Awesome!  A lot of lazy days!"
Perfect answer.
I could relate.

Chapter Two

Are there regrets?
That has been edging in from the side of my brain all day.
It came from a post I read at 4:15 this morning and it hasn't gone away yet.
Are there things in life that I wish I would have done differently?
I responded to the blog poster  (who is one remarkable writer) that, yes, there are things I would do MORE of
Would I do things differently?
The jury is still out.
Too soon really to know for sure.
One thing I do know:
I want to be bigger in life.

Chapter Three

How do you spend money?
There is only so much discretionary income.
There was a time in my life when I was all about experiences.
Spend money on doing, not on things.
I bought education and days in Asia,  Europe, South America.
What changed?
Now I hesitate to spend $6,000 on a two week adventure - not a cruise but an independent adventure
to Alaska next summer.
Airfare, lodging, incidentals for two weeks for two people = 6000 big ones.

Isn't that what you are supposed to do?
The culture says travel.
Go, see the world.
Hell, I want to see my OWN world.

I hate this
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I NOT chomp at the bit to get out there and TRAVEL like other people do?
I like learning new people, places, and things.
I do NOT like planning trips.
Someone else take care of the details, please.

I do not have ton of money.
I DO like eating out on Friday evenings. cha ching
I DO like buying books and ipads, massages and boots.  cha ching
I want to retire.  cha ching
And I have kids in college. cha ching

Why can't I be okay with me if
I want to stay home?


  1. I hear you on the cha ching thing. Mortgage, car payment, food, 2 children in college . . . and on and on and on. Our idea of a vacation is a weekend in Seattle in March so my husband can attend a conference :). You Alaska trip sounds awesome to me.

  2. But, therein, lies the issue - MOST people see it like you do - cool trip! GO for it. Me? I want to spend my money on books, boots, nights over at the local coast. I SHOULD be jazzed to go to Alaska.

  3. Why can't you be OK with staying home? Because you and Hubby can't go white-water rafting in your backyard in Sebasketball. You tried it, remember? What? You don't remember? My point, exactly. You have to pay to play.

  4. My sister bummed around Italy for a few weeks, while I was at home with two little kids. And I wasn't jealous. Couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me! I like to travel, camping at a new place every night, but that's on my own time. Give me a flight and an itinerary, and I'm not having a fun time.

    Chapter 2 reminded me of a Frank Sinatra song....'regrets, I have a few, but then again, to few to mention'....I roll with Old Blue Eyes on this one!

  5. This post has a lot to think about. I like "I want to see my OWN world." Experiences are great and enriching, but sometimes there are experiences to be had in our own heads, in our own back yards (perhaps not white water rafting, Mark.) But there are also seasons for things. We declare: "I am a person who travels!" and then feel bad when we want to be a homebody. A two week trip to Alaska sounds great, but maybe it's the season for traveling inward or around your own space for you right now? I have the same sort of thoughts in regard to my own life all the time but have come to the conclusion that I haven't lost my sense of adventure, my adventures have just changed for now. I love your chapters.

  6. This was a very timely post for me since a friend just texted me this evening to see if I'd like to go on vacation with her. She wants to fly to Vegas together. First, Vegas is totally not for me--it's loud, bright, crowded and expensive, which is a deadly combo in my book. I then spent an hour and half trying to think of anyplace I would want to go and really couldn't think of anywhere--other than the coast of Maine and she lives in New Hampshire so doesn't consider that any kind of vacation at all. And I ended up thinking "What the HELL is wrong with me?!"

    And so whatever's "wrong" with you, I might have a touch of it, too.

  7. Thank you, all, for your comments here. They mean something to me and they offer me some acceptance of what is.
    Markie: I would love to go white water rafting but the American River (a three hour drive) would be just fine, thanks....
    Michelle - YES! camping on the CA coast is lovely - I could do that just as happily as spending a small fortune traveling a long way to see beautiful sceney. There is a part of the CA coast called "The Lost Coast". It is further north and that would be a very cool adventure - backpacking - that would cost me very little and would be personally satisfying. Thanks for the idea.

    MM - I have had many opportunities to go to Vegas or Reno - but the people and the glitz make it not for me. I like where I live A LOT. It's not that I don't appreciate other places - for sure I do. What I appreciate is the notion that it is okay to be okay with where you are (literally and figuratively). I feel better knowing that you might have a touch of my affliction! How bad am I?

    S Stauss - you nailed it with your thoughtful comment regarding adventure. There is a season, yes? and a time for every purpose under heaven. I am having adventures of the kind that few people seem to experience (the kind of adventures that involve a psychiatric guide but all the better). You rock.