How Am I Doing?

        Back on January 1st, I wrote a piece entitled Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover.  It wasn't about losing any lovers but the title got your attention, yes?  It was actually about fifty things to do in the new year. Much less sexy, heh?  I checked back in March and again in June to see what kind of success I was having with the new year.  It's time to look again.

     The original fifty things were all over the place.  At the check-ins in March and June, I considered three things I was doing towards those fifty things and three things to which  I could apply more focus. I want to do that again.

Pauline (mom) in blue; Lolita in Pink

       So what are three things that I am doing?  One that I am happy to be doing is spending more time with my mom.  Since she has moved closer to me, it is easier for me to get up there. I still don't get there as often as I might like but in the summer I visited about every third week.  Now that work has started, I am more limited but I already have planned an excursion there for early October.  Over the summer, I found myself reliving my days as a teenager when my mom and I would go to the store or something.  It was weird, in a good way weird.  For many years, my parents lived in a very isolated place.  I like that she is now in a small town and we can go on errands together.  There is something to do while we are together and that makes it more playful.  I will add that the drive to her house is beautiful.  The highway is not congested and the views are of vineyards and rolling hills.  I can put in music or an audio book and just cruise. Very relaxing.

      A little thing that I am managing to do is to drink more water.  Sounds kinda hokey but hey, we have to take success where we can find it, no?  I don't really know if it matters but I am doing it.  I have this purple Camelbak that I can easily flood with ice cubes and water and it follows me to work, around the house, out in the yard.  Wherever.  Again, don't know if it matters but "they" tell me it is a good thing to drink water so I am doing that.  Whatever.

     Write, write, and write some more.  Okay, so I already claimed this as a success in March, but I want to claim it again.  I am enjoying writing even though sometimes even I don't get what I am trying to say.  That right brain takes over and, even if it doesn't make sense, I like it.  It's the same way with my painting.  Item #2 on the January list was to make time for weekly painting and, for the most part, I have done that.  I don't know where those paintings come from.  Most of them I like; a few are unattractive to me.  But the right brain takes over and the left is along for the ride.  Nice!

       Where can I set my focus now?  The one that immediately springs to mind is to take Ellie on more walks after work.  This is NOT for Ellie, mind you. No, no, no.  This is for me.  Taking Ellie on a walk after work means I get to breathe for a half hour, I get to see the leaves changing color, I can allow the day to sift through my consciousness and drift away.  I always like to do this but so often I get home and just fold.  What would make this more feasible is if I were to force myself to walk away from my office by 4:00.  If I get home too late, then I just don't want to go.  Although the kids leave school at 2:45, my after- kids-leave time is jammed full with all the things that can't be done when there are kids around.  Grrrrrrrr!  Time, you frustrate me!


      I can put #33 and #42 in one wish:  I can notice more color and detail in the world and I can take more photographs. I am attracted to design, color, detail.  What I really need to do is organize my on line photo library.  When posting on the blog, I very seldom turn to photos other than those I've taken myself.  I would like to expand my collection and look for that which I have yet to really see.  It's fun.

    A third thing that I haven't done yet this year but would still like to do is to take a solitary road trip.  There is something so cool about being out there on the road where no one really knows who you are and no on who knows you knows where you are.  It's a way of being lost, I suppose.  Since I often feel lost anyway, I might as well make an adventure out of it.  Realistically, it's not likely to happen but I don't give up easily.


       Mid-September..... But I don't have to get everything done before December 31.  In fact, when I look at the items I originally listed, I see lots that are really life long ambitions.  They are goals that will not be satisfied in one year.  And some of them are vague and immeasurable.  Maybe those are the best ones?

Hope Drifts

“Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” 
― Stephen King

    There was a time when I wished my parents had named me Hope.  The name offered such a positive outlook.  Who couldn't love a girl named Hope?

  It seems to me that hope is an essential ingredient in life.  It is not necessarily The Essential ingredient but without hope, how does anyone make anything change?  And when does hope become a goal?  Or are they always and already the same thing?

  Just wondering.

Check in

      Back on January 1st, I  posted a piece which listed fifty things I wanted to do in 2012.  I'm thinking this is a good week to take a look at that list and see how I am doing. I'm not going to enumerate every item and scold or congratulate myself on my progress in that arena.  No, instead I am going to find and tell about three things I have been faithful to and three things I could refocus my energies on.  Here goes.

#26.  Order new walking shoes so I don't wreck my knees even more.  Yup.  Matter of fact, I think I did this one on January 2.  All good as I want to keep that physical activity level going strong for as long as I live.  I continue to engage in a hour or more of exercise daily and that is good for my body and my mind (as if you could separate them).

#28.  Write, write, and write some more.  Yes, I have been faithful to this one.  I post on my blog at least two times a week (which is one more time a week than I was doing in 2011) and I am writing in other arenas more as well.  I have decided to participate in the A to Z Challenge during April and that promises to encourage my writing habit even more.  I like it.

#35.  Say no when I want to say no.  This is a confusing one for me.  I chide myself constantly about what I should do or should not do.  It's hard for me to say no when I might disappoint or anger someone else but, for better or worse, I am getting more comfortable with that.

#27.  Take a good look again at a daily meditation habit.  Hmmmmm - that would be a no. The desire is still there (made more visible when Noel posted this) but I have yet to shove other things aside in order to make the time for mediation.  The year is still young?

#32.  Take Ellie for a neighborhood walk at least two afternoons a week.  That would be another no, not yet.  Okay, so I can, in part, blame the weather and the darkness, but that isn't really a good enough reason not to do this.  If I were to reinstate this habit, I would remember how much I enjoy it and I would also be practicing breathing and stopping.  Springtime is the right time to start this pattern again.

#8.  Embrace the trip to Alaska in June.  Everything changes, right?  That changed.  We realized the major expense involved (even going on the cheap it was going to amount to $5,000 - $6,000 for two of us for two weeks) and decided that we could still have fun without flying somewhere and without paying a small fortune (or to us, not so small fortune).  I'm okay with that.


     In general, I would say there are more things on the list that I am NOT doing than that I am doing.  Bummer.  But it's only March and we are coming into my productive and energetic time of the year.  Who knows?  Perhaps when I check back with this list near the summer solstice I will be able to reverse the trend.  Or not.  :)