Yeah, I do not like this part of Christmas. I woke up this morning feeling tired and overwhelmed. Perhaps overwhelmed is the wrong word. I felt more let down or sad, like all the fun is over for another year. And this is from the person who is not overly fond of Christmas. Perhaps that is part of my dismay. I grouse about having to do this and that and all the energy and expectations that go into the whole affair and then, bingo, it's over. Now, the house is a mess, my bank account is depleted, the rain clouds are gathering (they really are), the sonny boy is making noise about going back to San Francisco, the sibs and their families have come and gone, and it is a long time until spring.
The holiday thing is predictable in the way that the excitement starts appearing right around Thanksgiving and, for me, it stays at a tolerable level until school gets out. Then the excitement bursts and for about three or four days everything is about Christmas, one way or another. Christmas Day tends to be like a deep, contented sigh. My extended family comes a couple days after the 25th and then it is downhill from there. New Year's Eve is not a big deal to me, nor is New Year's Day. I do indulge in some reflecting on lessons learned in the old year and at least consider some New Year's revolutions (yes, revolutions).
In order to get to the new part, though, I have to let go of the old part. I have to say goodbye to this Christmas, acknowledge that life goes on and that people grow up, grow old, and move on. Sad. And such is life. I have a hard time accepting that part. I have a hard time accepting that everyone I know doesn't stay young and highly energetic forever. But I know what happens. I know what the next chapter is.
I will go underground a bit for the next two months and late February will find my spark returning. I am a spring person. Well, mostly I am a SUMMERTIME person but spring is a lovely prelude to July's leisurely pace. The months of January and February tend to be the dark months in my year but they do have a way of clearing the path for spring. As long as I have that knowledge on which to fall back, I can get there. I will start noting the times for sunrise and sunset and celebrate each additional moment we capture.
There is definitely a cycle to life and you've nailed it!
ReplyDeletei had to smile reading this. i just finished typing my post for tomorrow and i think we're on the same kind of wave length :) and sarah is definitely right - the cycle (circle) of life is not just a Lion's King movie! it's true!
ReplyDeleteThis made me think of a C.S. Lewis quote that I can't quite remember. He called February the "waiting room of the world." It is a life-long struggle for me to accept the "dark times" and use them for their regenerative purpose rather than to just dread them.
ReplyDeleteI know this is dumb, but here goes anyway: "Laugh and be happy, like a merry melody; a song will make a hatrack look like a Christmas tree. When you look out the window on a dark and gloomy day, break out a smile and in a while, the gloom will go away…" Good old Sheriff John. I think he was onto something.
ReplyDeleteMark - Sheriff John was cool, for sure. And I learned while waitressing in college that if you painted a smile and pretended to be cheerful, you would get better tips (and maybe even your mood would change). The thing is that I have also learned that wearing a mask and pretending can be exhausting. It is also not the way to honestly connect with people who matter to me. but that's just me.... xoxoxoxoxxoo
ReplyDeleteS. Straus - I 've read that quote! I love that - the waiting room of the world! There is even a kid poem about how sometimes February cracks open winter and spring shines through the crack. I live for those days in February. But, I have to get through January first....
ReplyDeleteSarah and Judy -- yes, that cycle - it repeats itself - in the year but also in the weeks - Sunday night/Monday = January/ February!
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