I am sitting with an umbrella of melancholy this morning. It doesn't make sense but melancholy seldom makes sense to me. We had a pleasant Christmas here, low key and mellow. The adult children were both here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Although the weather was stormy and wet, we enjoyed a relaxing day indoors. We exchanged thoughtful gifts yet no one went to the poorhouse as a result. Our meals were shared productions in the cooking, the consuming, and the cleanup. No one lost their patience and no one allowed the crankies to enter the day. In short, it was the kind of Christmas for which I long.
So why the melancholy? and why today? In about two hours, my entire and wonderful extended family will descend upon the house - about 40 people. This is our tradition and has been for at least 25 years. Our house is central to most of the family and it is (sort of) big enough to accommodate all. It is always an enjoyable day. I get a chance to catch up with those family members that I seldom see and there is a ton of laughter and good will. My big family is, perhaps, exceptional in that there is no animosity anywhere (or if there is, it is tightly concealed). We appear to like each other, including the spouses and children of the sibs. It's a good day.
So why the melancholy? I know, I know, there are many among you who immediately say,"Well, duh, the holiday is over! Of course there is a let down!" And to those folks I say, "Don't you remember? Christmas is NOT my season. I allow it but I seldom embrace it. And, hello? I still have about ten days off! I should be jumping for joy!"
Why the dark place? Maybe I need to stop asking why and just let the dark place be. I know that, once the company starts to arrive, I will tuck any leftover blues business away and trot out the smiles and the welcomes and that will be that. This blues business though bugs me. He follows me all the time and throws a blanket over what could be a lovely life. Hah! That gives me an idea! I think I will paint the Blues Blanket. That should be interesting.
What color will it turn out to be?