I am on journey. I suppose everyone is on a journey but I am now acutely aware of that journey. Most recently it has been a journey inside my mind and memory to meet some of the players who influence me. There is this five year old in me. She is damn cute. So open, so curious, big eyes observing everything. She is playful but has already learned to be cautious. She has already decided that is is safer to be more silent than noisy. She has already realized that blending in and not being seen is the safe way to go. She watches intently. She has seen the changes. She knows she can't be in my life again until she feels safe and protected.
She has seen me changing
It ain't easy rearranging
And it gets harder as you get older
Farther away as you get closer
It ain't easy rearranging
And it gets harder as you get older
Farther away as you get closer
And I don't know the answer
Does it even matter?
I'm wonderin' how
Does it even matter?
I'm wonderin' how
......
Seems like something out of a dream
I had years ago yes, I remember screaming
Nobody laughing all the good times
Getting harder to come by without weeping
I had years ago yes, I remember screaming
Nobody laughing all the good times
Getting harder to come by without weeping
Now I have someone
She has seen me changing
And it gets harder as you get older
And farther away
She has seen me changing
And it gets harder as you get older
And farther away
Thank you, JT, for that photo, and the CSN song, which I've always enjoyed. It seems to mean even more now, as we age and begin working through our own changes. Yes, I too learned to be quiet, and fit in, don't draw attention to oneself, and stay out of the light. These lessons are not unlearned easily. thanks
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that song! Have heard it in my head so many times in the past couple of years. Once you started school, you were always quiet. I think school (as we knew it) sucked a lot out of us. And then, of course, there was the command to "Hold your tongues."
DeleteI hide my little girl away. Or so I think I do. But probably not so well hidden after all.
ReplyDeleteOh, she probably is, Lynda. Once little kids get scared, it takes a lot to get them to come out and play again.
DeleteWhat a gorgeous five year old you were!! I do hope you are able to let her out to play once in a while.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, Judy! There is something very fragile and precious about that little girl in the photo - actually, I think one could say that about all small children. Impressions of the world are being formed and decisions are being made that will live in that child forever. Interesting stuff.
DeleteI love the image of making your life and your world safe for your inner child to come out and peek around in. Love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm just trying to figure out how to do that - how to make it so she feels safe and protected enough to be present with me.
Delete