Friday, November 23, 2012

On the Edge

“I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all  kinds of things you can't see from the center.” 
 Kurt Vonnegut


        What do you think about this notion?  It appeals to me so much but I can't seem to put my finger on why the attraction.  That's me on the edge of that fire engine's 175 foot extended ladder.  It was  a demo for the school kids and they asked for a volunteer (adult!) to climb the ladder.  And so I did.  And I hung out there on the edge and experienced the adrenaline and watched the world below me.  I saw all kinds of things I could never have seen from my feet-firmly-planted-on-the-ground place on earth.



       I am a huge fan of the ocean in all its glory.  The ocean sits on the edge of the earth.  I am spellbound by ocean breezes, depths of color,  dangerous cliff edges, and the potential drop to the sea. Scared but  alive.


    Sometimes edges have warnings.


    But, just as often, they don't.


     In everyday life, I encounter edges, places where you can see the end of something.  Sometimes, it is a storefront jumping to the sky or the edge of humor touching the edge of hurt.  It's common stuff but it is the edge.



      There are the times when the illustrious sit on edge with the commonplace.  I sometimes get the feeling that  expectations are on the edge of reality, ready to jump off and see what really is.



    Edges don't have to be straight, you know. Edges can be torn or undulating.  They can start and stop, appear and disappear.  Sometimes you find edges with cracks.  I think I find those edges with cracks on the most interesting days, the days when I am no longer sure of who I am, what I am doing, or where it is I am going.  Nothing is sure on those days, except uncertainty.



  It isn't very often but the edge can be soft and gentle.  It can feel warm and fuzzy, not at all sharp and, well, edgy.  It can feel like, if you were to jump off the edge, the landing would be harmless and maybe even fun.

 
    Edges don't have to be high up there like that first picture.  No, edges can be small but, if you miss a step, the edge can make for a painful fall.  And, when edges are small, you have to look more carefully before you step, lest you crush something of beauty.



     I don't know about you, but sometimes I make my own edges.  I create the excitement, the fear, the messiness, and sometimes I go over the edge and sometimes I don't.


      A week or so ago, I had a dream in which I was walking on the southern end of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Impulsively, I decided to climb the chain link fence along the edge (is there even a chain link fence there in real life?) and, yes, leap off the bridge. In the instant that I jumped, my self yelled at my body, "NO! THIS IS IRREVOCABLE!"  Too late.  My body dropped through the air, sailing from the bridge's edge to the edge of the sea.  CRACK!  I broke the surface of the water, body snaping the cold, mind catching the flash of light.  What an edge!  Interesting end to that dream.  As I gurgled my way in the cold, murky Pacific Ocean, I thought, "Ah, but I am still alive!"



     Edges.  What do you think?  Do you like to stand as close to the edge as you can?






19 comments:

  1. A great post. I love this theme. Fabulous photo of you on the extended ladder. Incredible that in your dream you jumped off the GG Bridge. I've had passing fantasies myself about such a feat, but never actually dreamt it. It must take a certain courage to jump. But probably even more to live. At least to live with gusto. Like climbing that crazy ladder! I'm so glad you're alive and willing to sometimes step out to the edge. Edges fascinate me too. I feel like I'm walking on one right now!

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    1. Yes, I agree. It takes more courage to live than to jump off the GG. And, yes, you are certainly on an edge now and it takes a lot of courage to stand on that edge too!
      XOXOXOXOXOX

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  2. At the height of my bipolaristic stage, I was all about edges. Now, to stand "on the edge" is to buck the norm, so I avoid it at all cost. That being said, nothing, and I mean nothing, would have ever gotten me up on that ladder. Just thinking about it creeps me out. No, I am just plain boring these days, and that's the way it's got to be. Boring is safe.

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    1. Yes, I can assure you, Mark, that it was a scary experience. I wanted to do something that scared me and I succeeded. Here's what happened:
      http://sebtown294.blogspot.com/2011/03/do-one-thing-that-scares-you-every-day.html

      Boring is safe but can be deadly.

      XOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXO :)

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    2. Deadly for whom? Not this old cowboy. Deadly is being on the edge, at least as far as my sweetest of apple blossoms is concerned. I am glad that my comment got published. When I had written it, it just stayed in the white box, no matter how many times I pushed the "publish" button. Go figure.

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  3. Love this post. Edges: necessary. Sometimes I like them. Let me think about it and get back to you!

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    1. I am curious about your response, Melanie. Are you standing on any edges right now?

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  4. My life has always been about living on the edge...competing as a fighter, serving in the infantry of the Marine Corps (voluntarily), motorcycle racer, and most recently, semi-professional tackle football. Living on the edge and continually challenging myself makes me feel alive, and I feel adds purpose to other areas of my life. My challenge will be finding that "next thing", as this will be my last year playing football.

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    1. Continuing to challenge oneself is living on the edge, for sure. How about in your work? Do you live on the edge there or do you look for edgy only in the physical pursuits?

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    2. You get an XOXOXOXOXOX too, Z! They get more b/c they are brothers!

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  5. Why do you have to be "on the edge" to challenge yourself. Every day I live is to challenge myself, in terms of my illness, yet I am as far away from the edge as is conceivable.

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    1. I get that - no, you don't have to be on the edge to challenge yourself but it can be fun....or exhilarating.

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  6. Call me boring, but I have no desire to live on the edge. Good for you that you are not afraid to go there, but I am afraid. Jumping off the GG bridge, even in a dream, is my idea of a very frightening experience, one that I would prefer to live without.
    Maybe I've had enough "edgie" experiences. I just want to play it safe now.
    You are a braver person than me!

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    1. Yeah, probably if you jump off the GG Bridge you aren't going to have much of a life left to live! It was just a dream and dreams can be so cool! I can assure you that jumping off the GG Bridge for reals is not on my to do list.

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  7. No, I want to stay as far away from the edge as possible, lest someone grab me from below and pull me down. If I'm away from the edge, then perhaps I can be the one to help someone else up.

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  8. I think I'm an edge person too when the mood strikes. That's to say as much as I crave as peaceful a life as possible I do not shy away from those edges.

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  9. I have a tendency to stay away from the edge. I think it has to do with the way I was brought up. I'd like to be more of an "edge" person.

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  10. I love the photos and the theme of this post. That initial shot, though, made me a bit queasy particularly once I realized it was YOU at the top of the ladder. I don't really think of myself as having a fear of heights, but on the other hand, I've never really been way up high all that often.

    As for metaphorical edges, I'm a bit of a wuss. I'm trying to work on that a bit.

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    1. I now see edges EVERYWHERE! It's kind of fun. Try it! You might find it interesting!

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