“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
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F. Scott Fitzgerald
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I wonder if I am alone in the following perception. It seems as if I have a 20 year old, a 30 year old, a 40 year old, and a 50 year old all living inside my head. Each of these individuals keeps watching the me who is around right now and they keep saying, "Really? REALLY???? This is what you turned out to be? We never would have thought this is where you would end up. We can't believe that you appear to have forgotten who you once wanted to be."
And I find it odd that the me who lives now has the perfect response. I can say back to them, NOT in a mean, loud way, but in a very measured way, "Just. You. Wait. You know nothing, or really very little. Life is not the way you think it is and you will discover things you never considered. Let's talk then. Let's talk when you have some more perspective."
Perhaps that is why the above quote from F. Scott is so appealing. It has such a forgiving tone to it. It sounds so hopeful and so not judgmental. I like hearing the words.
I know exactly how 20 year old me or 30 year old me would react in a situation: thank goodness 38 year old me has mellowed out considerably. But I carry all of those facets of past me in my head, and sometimes I do hear them say, "Really? Huh. Not what I would have done," and that's okay. I might change everything tomorrow and try something new becuase that is the beauty of life and choices!
ReplyDeleteVery true - the beauty of choices. I have a hard time accepting the arrogance of those younger selves. I wish they would go away.
DeleteI love that quote and your sentiment as well. I am a huge disappointment to my younger self. To that uptight striving girl, I thumb my nose and blow a raspberry. She never has to grow up, but I did and I'm pretty sure you did, too. Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that response, Tara. Yes, you make a good point. Those younger selves never had to go beyond who they were. They can sit in their place of judgement and speak as if they are so very wise. But they are not.
DeleteI love this quote--and this whole post. The idea of former versions of myself looking on disapprovingly is one that has come up for me again and again, probably in part because of the detailed journals I've kept over the years. I know EXACTLY what I expected/hoped for at 24 or 37 or whatever and EXACTLY how far from that things are. It can be paralyzing--or motivational. Sometimes it's both all in one day.
ReplyDeleteIt is seldom motivating for me - in fact, it's the opposite more often. A month after writing this post, I am now impressed with the forgiving tone. I needed that (from myself). :)
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