Sunday, September 2, 2012

Fear


Do one thing everyday that scares you.

          Eleanor Roosevelt.


        It's a popular quote these days.  I see it on coffee mugs and magnets, calendars and cards.  But is it real?  Or is it just something that catches the eye and the heart?  What scares you?  One could be philosophical and say that going out the door is enough to scare you because who knows  what danger is lurking.  And, of course there is the argument that your house could be hit by a wheel from a passing airplane and you could die instantly without ever venturing out into the world.

     So what are these things we are supposed to do that scare us?  And what's the value in being scared?  Most of my days are methodical, predictable, and ordinary.  I don't consciously see myself challenging any fears.  I wrote about one challenge here .  This example is uncommon, obvious, real, and valuable.
Rare.

    There are professional moments that are challenging but I don't think of them as fearful: dealing with an irate parent, being the decision maker regarding a medical issue on campus, being present with a 13 year old who is talking suicide.   Those are challenging times but that's not fear.

    Painting can be full of fear for me but not really -- hard to explain.  I say things in paint that are scary but no one knows it except me.  So does that count?  I say no, it doesn't count  because my fear is  not exposed.  No one knows the fear is there and so I can cover it up and hide myself.  Make sense?

     Revealing yourself is scary.  Revealing yourself to others and revealing yourself to yourself.  Facing truths and considering them - scary.  It is so much easier to put on a mask or pretend, isn't it?  So what is the value in revealing yourself?  I suppose revelations can transfer into a life well lived.  At least that's what I like to think.






   

12 comments:

  1. To be vulnerable is both terrifying and exhilarating when revealing myself to someone I love exposes me to potential judgment and pain. But oh my! Is it ever worth it when it works in my favor.

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    1. and what about when it leaves you feeling lost and alone?

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  2. I have that quote on my desk. Do I adhere to that advice? Not all the time, but when I look back at my life, I can see that the points where I did something that scared the hell out of me, including revealing the parts of myself that I considered weird or unpopular, have been the parts where I've grown the most.

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    1. When I have my masks on, all is good. without the masks, I am scared and lonely.

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  3. Revealing who we are truly are, and what we think is the most terrifying thing we do. At least, for me. I suppose I'm afraid that people won't like me, after they find out what kind of person I am. NOt that I'm all that different.....just another goofy guy.

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    1. They won't like me , that's for sure. But I can't even tell them who I am. they don't get it. neither do I.

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  4. I would definitely agree that revealing ourselves is big-time scary. I'm coming to a point, though, where I'm starting to wonder if the scarier thing would be to get to the end of my life and realize I hadn't ever truly revealed myself to anyone--including myself. True transparency is probably impossible, but trying to live a little closer to the surface seems like a worthy goal.

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    1. Fuck that - can't we just pretend? Now, there's the real me.

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    2. I kinda like that. :) Reminds me of a quote I saw in the January 2012 issue of Esquire magazine. It was Gary Oldman and he said:

      "Fuck 'em." Shortest prayer in the world.

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  5. So much to think about with this one, I'm still thinking on it a couple of days later- and whether or not I really reveal my full self to ANYONE. Thanks JT!

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    1. You are welcome. I wish I knew how to do that - how to feel safe and comfortable revealing yourself. It is so much easier to just pretend. Don't you think so?

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