Thursday, August 23, 2012

Lonely Girl



    “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.” 
 Thomas Wolfe



      I used to think that loneliness was a bad thing.  Something to be avoided.  More recently I am thinking that loneliness is part of the human condition.  The existentialist school of thought suggests that loneliness is the essence of being human.  After all, we each come into the world alone, and we travel our unique path through life, and we die alone.  And this is the human condition.

      Loneliness is that time when a person feels cut off, disconnected, not a part of the whole.  I remember from as far back as middle school, reading and thinking about the John Donne quote:

        “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.” 
― John Donne, No Man Is An Island


   Interesting fact:  the man who introduced this quote to me was Father O'Leary. Father O' Leary  was the young (in my 12 year old eyes) assistant pastor in the parish and took over my 7th grade class for one month when the regular teacher had some sort of emergency.  One of the different things he required of us, was to memorize various poetic selections, including this one.  This one never left my brain.  It makes sense to me.  He was an Irishman, far from home.  Perhaps he was lonely and this selection spoke to him.  Oddly enough, it spoke to me, a 12 year old.  I could feel it in a way that still surprises me.

   Another interesting fact:  I often feel lonely. I often feel disconnected from the world, from my peeps. It is not anything they did.  It's something about me.  Perhaps a genetic quirk.  I have that Irish melancholy about me too often,  Whether I like it or not, I seem to have a deep well of emotion.  I am an expert at being the professional during the work day.  You will seldom see me lose my professional persona at work.  But, in the blue black hours of the morning, while walking the dogs, or in the tired hours of the evening, when feeling depleted and empty, my pal, Ms Melancholy joins me.  She reminds me that life can be lonely at times.  It has to be, doesn't it?  Life is lived alone but there are people on whom you can lean and with whom you can laugh and cry.  But in the end?  In the end, you are alone in this world.  Get used to it.



Hey There, Lonely Girl


    There is something very passionate and beautiful about this song.  I suppose it is a romantic piece but that's not how I hear it.  I hear it as a painful song.  There is something very haunting to me about his voice.  I don't really pay attention to the lyrics, more to the melody and the depth of his voice. And it is beautiful in that touching sort of way.  But I know nothing about music.  Only that some selections make me feel alive.  And this one does.

   What do you think?

 

11 comments:

  1. Considering you like to spend so much time by yourself, this is an odd post. I hate-abssolutely detest-spendig time by myself. I am not a good companion for myself. "People...people, who need people. are the luckiest people, in the world..."

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    1. I DO like to spend time by myself. And lonely is one part of the human condition but , for me, it has nothing to do with the presence or absence of other people. Perhaps there is a better word than lonely but what I am trying to describe is that feeling of being all alone on the journey. I don't know. Vocabulary gets in the way. xoxoxoxox

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  2. You said it in your post. Loneliness is that feeling of disconnection from others, even when standing in a crowd of people. When I feel this way, if I find something that I have in common with the crowd, so that I feel less like an "other" than that helps. It's just boiling it down to the simple fact that we're both human. It's easy in this world to feel apart from everyone else, especially during an election year. I know I feel this way because I'm finding it increasingly difficult to to find humanity in a few people who are making the news right now.

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    1. Thanks for checking in, Pamela. The election thing is horrible to me and part of my despair. and that is, in fact, the right word there -- I am so sad at the selfish direction in which my country appears to be heading but that is another post.

      I think I am starting to say to myself, "Go ahead. Just feel the loneliness. Don't fight it. Don't look at it as bad or wrong. Look at it as part of the human package and be curious about what it means in your life. Perhaps there is no big meaning. Perhaps it is simply another way to be in the world. Be curious and learn."

      Whatever.

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  3. I, too, think about (and feel) loneliness a lot. When I was younger, I was like Mark. I hated to be by myself--I always wished I knew how to be by myself. At 20, I lived by myself for the first time and dreaded the moment that I stepped into my too quiet, too absent of life studio apartment. Now, I long for time alone. I look forward to the time of coming home to that welcoming home that is all mine! Chocolate and books, reading and writing on the computer, wearing sweats, and coming and going as I please. I also have in my life now great friends who are fine with getting together on a non-routine basis and a boyfriend who enjoys being around me as much as possible with our busy schedules, but also allows me as much space and freedom as I want with no punishment or guilt. So, it is all perfect, right? Nope. (big, big sigh) I spend most of my time feeling lonely, feeling like the alien (as JT says) who feels out of place and who is not seen, understood or accepted, and who has a difficult time understanding and accepting others. It is easier at this time in my life to be by myself because it takes such effort to be the person that I imagine the world wants me to be. I am afraid of making mistakes and afraid of Ms. Critical telling me that I screwed up. I get tired, exhausted after being with people for a period of time. Much of this is my fault and the way I talk to myself about myself. I also hate myself for being so judgmental towards others. Lots to say about this, but I think I have divulged enough for now. Last comments: yes, the politics make me WAY sad and angry and lonely; and perhaps loneliness comes from not being seen by one's parents--especially as a child.

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    1. I have always liked being alone - even as a kid, I did not mind solitude - though I can't really remember being alone - too many people in too small a house! As a teenager, I was given a closet of a space (literally) to call my own and it was heaven. I loved that I could go in there, shut the door and the light, and just be.

      I hear you about making mistakes - afraid that those errors will ruin it all. Thing is, the older I get , the more I know that everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it 's not the end.

      Lots to say about loneliness. That;s for sure. SUnday nights are lonely times in my book.

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  4. I enjoy being alone and have always enjoyed solitude over all. To be alone is a good thing and a necessary thing for me at times. I don't like to feel lonely though. Loneliness is the neediness that comes from deprivation from the company of others. There are times when we need others to share our experiences.

    When I feel lonely I feel like that is the time to take action and seek out someone else who is feeling lonely or is at least willing to sacrifice some of their own time for people sharing. That's the good part of a healthy marriage--not needy co-dependence, but the joy of sharing time and allowing ones partner to have their own time alone when necessary.

    Learning to live with oneself is one of the great successes any person can achieve.


    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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    1. Well, then, Arlee, I guess I can call myself successful in at least one arena!

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  5. And the photograph is exquisite.

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    1. Why thank you, Shari! It was taken on High School Road near the laguna on an early morning bike ride last summer.

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  6. I've been poking around in that feeling of disconnectedness lately and wondering what genetic quirk or imbalance may be responsible for it. I am surrounded by people both personally and professionally, but feel a sense of distance between myself and others a great deal of the time. I'm not sure where it comes from--I don't need to be in the presence of others to "cure" loneliness, but it would be nice to feel a deeper sense of connection when I am with others--something perhaps I could carry with me as comfort when I am feeling down and alone. I'm just not sure where to start...

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