Ms. Melancholy

    Well, well, well, Ms. Melancholy has returned.  She seems to favor dark and gloomy days.  The sunshine and blue sky days make her stay in bed but the gloomy days give her boundless energy.  The funny thing is that she is dark and heavy and yet she can tiptoe through the day at any hour and no matter who else might be here.  She wears heavy black shoes - those old fashioned ones that Mrs. Downen used to wear - with, I guess, it is support hose.  Today she has one of those flowered dresses on but the flowers are not pretty colors.  They are shades of blue and grey and she does not have a very functional bra on (maybe she has no bra on - quite possible).  The dress kinda hangs down around her knees and has some snags on it. It looks as if she left a bit of this morning's oatmeal on the front too.  It's as if she wears the dress all the time (perhaps because it is comfortable?) and no one is going to make her change.

    Ms Melancholy (oddly enough her first name is Gladys) heaves a lot of sighs.  She likes to hover around me and just gets in my way.  She is, as I mentioned earlier,  very heavy and I sometimes ask her to please go sit somewhere else but she doesn't usually respond to niceties. I have been known to try to push her away but she refuses to leave until she is damn well ready.   About the only thing that can get her to take a hike is a funny movie, the sunshine, the presence of a good friend, a nap, or a productive and pleasant day at work.

     Ms Melancholy has been around my life for a long time.  I think I first remember meeting her when I was in high school.  She often came to the library with me during my first period study hall.  She would park herself at the table and act like she owned the place.  In fact, she acted as if she owned me.  She was unfamiliar to me and I didn't know what to make of her.  I had met her sister, Ms Sadness, and occasionally encountered her big brother Mr Angry but I understood them.  I seemed to intuitively connect with those two characters but not so with Ms Melancholy.

     Anyhow, I just realized that the silly Ms Melancholy often visits me at night and has been a frequent guest in my house on Sunday afternoon/evening.  At those times, she likes to settle in no matter what the weather.  She doesn't care what we are having for dinner or even if we are home for dinner.  Admittedly, she is usually out of town on Sundays in the summer time but she makes up for that by faithfully and resolutely being present pretty much every day during the first couple of weeks of the school year.

      Back to evenings, Gladys ( I think I can all her that since she is so damn familiar with me) sometimes likes to sit next to me on the couch in the evening.  She likes it when I start beating myself up about whatever transgression I may have committed.  She is in seventh heaven when I start ruminating on failures and the future.  And I just realized this:  sometimes she gets out dancing shoes at that time, as if she has been successful in reaching her goal!  She likes it when I start connecting with a friend and start commiserating one way or another (texting or email).  She has power over me at those times and she loves that.  She is one power hungry woman and I am a pathetic wimp in her presence. WTF??????

     I also just remembered that Gladys often brings a bag with her - one of those old ratty carpet bag things.  It is also flowered but these flowers are dingy green and musty pink.  The bag appears as if it has  never been laundered and it is unraveling near the edges.  The wooden handles are very strong though and she can haul that thing anywhere.  Once when she was taking a nap (yes, occasionally she doesn't really leave but just naps off for a bit) I broke the unspoken rules and tried to look into the bag.  It appeared empty but it was still very heavy as if it contained something I couldn't see.  I could feel its presence but I couldn't see it.  It reminded me of losing something and I wondered if what I had lost was in the bag.

     Well, well, well, Ms Melancholy.  You think you are hot stuff, don't you? You think your glumness is attractive, don't you?  Guess what?  Not so much.  Your presence invades my strength and takes over my smiles.  How am I going to deal with you?  I could make friends with you.  I could embrace you when you come around and paint you and play with you.  I could take you for a walk or tell you that you need to go shopping.  I could stand up and say, "Get out of my house."  Let me think about this for awhile....