I had a dream the other night which engages me on several levels. In the dream I am at a medical facility. There is a group of 6 or 8 doctor types gathered around me. They are telling me that they need to do some kind of highly invasive procedure that will be quite painful. They tell me that there is no guarantee that they will be able to gather any useful information but they MIGHT get some answers to some questions they have. They want me to sign the paper so they can go ahead with this. I very calmly look at them and tell them no. No, I don't want that procedure. What? They are aghast! What do you mean no? This is what we have to do in order to attempt to fix you. You will have to submit to this procedure or we can not help you any more. You might die. Okay then, I say calmly. So be it.
Weird, heh? I like that I say no in the dream. I like that I make the decision for myself. No one is going to railroad me into something that doesn't work for me. I suppose I could be seen as foolish. After all, they are trying to "fix" me. I should comply with them. But I am not interested in the painful, invasive procedure. Not if there isn't a payoff. I don't like their attitude. It is as if they know what's best for me and I should take their word for it. Guess what, peeps? I am the only expert on me.
I suppose part of this dream might stem from the sadness and frustration I feel about my friend Lesly's recent death. Lesly and her family fought with cancer for over three years. If she had known from the start how this was going to end, would they have fought the battle so long? The last six months were especially difficult, fighting always for some, if not improvement, at least pause in the cancer's progression. Such a hard time and yet the ending came anyway. Far too soon. Who knows what avenue I would take in a similar situation but I wonder if I would carry on as long as Lesly did.