I regularly get invitations from people at work for various social events. I have two in front of me at the moment. One is for a student's Bat Mitzvah and the other is for a colleague's retirement party. These are fine people and I am honored to be invited to their personal celebrations. The issue is that I work with people all week. I have to be "on stage" during the week and when it gets to the weekend, I want a break from all that. I will chill with family members; that is not the same as being the "on stage presence" that work related social events require.
My question for you is how to respond to the invitations. I have always been cordial and either made up some previous engagement or simply used the "I already have plans for that day" line (even if my plans consist of spending time with myself). More and more I want to be who I am and just come out and say, gee, I am not a person who wants to socialize much on the weekend. I would certainly thank them for the honor of being invited but rather than make up some excuse, I am thinking about just saying the truth: parties are not for me.
What do you think? Be polite or tell the truth? Or some combination of the two? What do you do if and when you find yourself not inclined to accept a social invitation?
I think s long as it's said in a tactful way then the truth is the way to go. That being said, I don't think it's wrong at all to make up an excuse to avoid hurting people's feelings. Just my two cents :)
ReplyDeleteI get it! Thanks :)
DeleteThat would be hard to know what to say, yet I do admire you that you don't feel like you have to attend all you get invited to; I'd be in a quandry feeling I had to go and then not being happy that I had to give up "my time" in order to do so. I think being polite and thanking for the invitation but declining it by a simple "I'm not able to make it" so suffice. I think the social norm might be that we have to give an excuse why, but I don't think it should be necessary. But that's just my th oughts, if it helps or not.......
ReplyDeleteI totally "suck" on social situations; that's probably why its a good thing I work at home :)
betty
I absolutely do not think that , simply b/c an invitation was extended, that I must go. NO NO NO - I can do social situations, but I resent the hedouble L out of them - except I like the family stuff - not the work stuff.....
DeleteLie. People just don't need to know anything other than what sounds polite. If you can gracefully get out of social situations with a little white lie, what's the problem? No harm-no foul...
ReplyDeleteGotcha! See? just ask the big boys and they will know what to do! :)
DeleteI agree with Mark, blatant as it is! I have a list of excuses, usually delaying an answer until I have something believable. There have been enough command performances to warrant some freedom.
ReplyDeleteHI, Cousin!!!!! I went by Glenbrook yesterday and thought of you!
DeleteOkay, I'm, taking your suggestion - next stop this morning? email those two responses - send me a real email and tell me how you are doing :)
Hmn. Mostly I want to say thanks for putting your opinion out there. I have this quandary, too, with the added dimension of often getting migraines. Lately even when I have planned to attend a function, a headache seems to interfere. Since many people don't understand what a migraine is, I have occasionally used another excuse. Seems silly, but I tend to take the path of least resistance.
ReplyDeleteI recently attended a communications skills for women class. Possibly the most important take away from that class was that it is OK to say no without excuses or apologies. You don't have to justify your decline. It is enough to say "I am unable to attend".
ReplyDeleteActually, Jane, that is the best solution. I am often okay with no excuses but it's tougher when I see the people every day. They want to know what's more important than THEIR event. :)
DeleteI say, lock yourself in a closet and start drinking heavily...
ReplyDeleteStop bathing too...
It worked for me!