To follow yesterday's post of things I've never done, I decided to make a list of some things I HAVE done. Just for fun. But it actually turned into not fun as I came to see that the things I celebrate about myself were largely accomplished in the earlier years of my life. Sadness reigns.
It's not that I haven't done anything interesting over the past 30 years . It's more that life after marriage became an accumulation of minutes and hours that then turned into years. There is a line from Ralph Waldo Emerson that reflects this: "The years teach much that the days never know". That pretty much says it all. The moments in my life turned two infants into responsible, thoughtful adults. The hours sustained a marriage through challenging times. The days found me serving families in my community, teaching 5 year olds to read and guiding middle school families through rough days. It was all moments, hours, days, and weeks turned into a life.
I am ready for some changes. But change is scary. I actually like change but I am also a person who appears to need security. Much as I might like to leave my job and start over in some other work, I can't push myself to abandon the paycheck and the health benefits. Much as I might like to sell the house and start over in some other geographic location, I can't get myself to give up the house and the financial investment.
I like novelty. I like change. But my feet are stuck in the mud. Damn!