Sunday, October 14, 2012

Muddy Feet

       To follow yesterday's post of things I've never done, I decided to make a list of some things I HAVE done.  Just for fun.  But it actually turned into not fun as I came to see that the things I celebrate about myself were largely accomplished in the earlier years of my life.  Sadness reigns.

    It's not that I haven't done anything interesting over the past 30 years .  It's more that life after marriage became an accumulation of minutes and hours that then turned into years.  There is a line from Ralph Waldo Emerson that reflects this: "The years teach much that the days never know". That pretty much says it all.  The moments in my life turned two infants into responsible, thoughtful adults.  The hours sustained a marriage through challenging times.  The days found me serving families in my community,  teaching 5 year olds to read and guiding middle school families through rough days.  It was all moments, hours, days, and weeks turned into a life.

    I am ready for some changes.  But change is scary.  I actually like change but I am also a person who appears to need security.  Much as I might like to leave my job and start over in some other work, I can't push myself to abandon the paycheck and the health benefits.  Much as I might like to sell the house and start over in some other geographic location, I can't get myself to give up the house and the financial investment.

    I like novelty.  I like change.  But my feet are stuck in the mud.  Damn!


  1. I know how you feel; I felt very much that my life had settled into a routine of work and tv.

    But this year it was like I woke up again; I've moved house, had a baby, scrapped a car, bought a newer car, been published and been more productive with my writing than ever before!

    Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find that refreshed feeling. (I often find that simply rearranging the furniture works wonders.)

  2. After the experiences of the last couple of years, I am quite content to have things stay still for a while. But, I have to admit I do experience restless feet every now and again.

  3. So much self-examination! Why are you so hard on yourself? Just asking.

  4. As I may have mentioned here or elsewhere, I am terrified of change--even change that would undoubtedly be good and healthy. You would think that my awareness and acknowledgement of this issue would help ease the fear a little, so far.