Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Silver Lining

June 10, 1964
      Yesterday I wrote about attending my elderly uncle's funeral.  Those occasions are certainly difficult days but there can be a silver lining in such events.  For me, family funerals are painful but they are also precious times to renew connections with extended family members.  I have about 35 first cousins on my mother's side of the family and most of these first cousins have children of their own.  Now that "the greatest generation" is dying (many of my uncles fought during WW2), we meet to say goodbye to another elder but we also meet to visit and connect with our own generation.  Sadly, we have already lost six of the 11 elders and four of the cousins from my generation so we know we are not far behind.

     The extended family is scattered primarily on the West Coast and mostly in California.  When funerals happen, people make every effort to leave their homes and gather where the family of the deceased lives.  Of course, there is a great enfolding of the branch of the family that has been most impacted by the death but the ripples extend to all.  Oddly enough to me, we have weddings too but they don't draw the same people.  I went to a handful of my first cousins' weddings back in the day but I don't see myself on the guest list for their children's weddings - gotta draw the line somewhere!

    One of the best things to come out of the funeral this week was this:  I got a chance to meet two cousins that I remember meeting only once (I was ten at the time....they were 2 and 8 years old.  Does that count?).  Near as we can figure, their dad and our mutual grandfather had some kind of falling out back in the early 1960's.  As a result, that family rarely came to family gatherings. They lived maybe a couple of hours from my home but somehow packing all of us into the family car and going out to visit the other family never happened.  Don't know why.

   It was such a pleasure to meet these two sisters!  They are 50ish and stunningly beautiful (clearly in every way).  The three of us stood together with a couple of other 50ish cousins and tried desperately to make up for lost time.  Impossible! I had the strong sensation that. because of some adult issue from way back when, we kid cousins got cheated out of this connection.  The people at the church were in need of the hall back so we had to move on but not before promises were made to arrange a weekend get together (sans funeral) soon.  I am on it!

10 comments:

  1. Love the cousin connections! I only have five first cousins on my mom's side and only two on my dad's, but I really enjoy the chance to see them. And my mom's mom's side of the family started having reunions some years ago - we've had a half dozen over the last twenty years - and getting to know my mom's cousins and their families has been terrific! Enjoy your weekend get together!

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    1. I like learning about my cousins - we share genetic material - how cool! I can often see my uncles and aunts in my cousins' faces and sometimes even my own parents show up in their faces - rarely but sometimes I see a sibling in a cousin!

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  2. I too am slowly becoming reacquainted with my cousins. It is very rewarding. FaceBook is instrumental in that process. Thanks for the post.

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    1. Yes, I have used FB too to initiate and grow more connections with our cousins - btw, Greg was there on Thursday and he asked about you. I told him you were as Mark as you have always been! The last time I saw Greg was at Aunt Frances's service - we told each other we have to stop meeting at funerals! and start meeting at real parties!

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    2. I have not seen my bud, Greg, since before 1972. So sad, but I also have not seen him on FaceBook, because SoCal does not "do" F/B.

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  3. Next to my siblings, my cousins form the framework of my childhood. We fought and played and grew up together and we have all agreed that there is still no where as wonderful as Grandma's house, which is why we meet back there every summer for a camp out in the field where the cows used to graze. We build a fire and stay up late laughing and talking and in the morning Grandma and Grandpa come down for breakfast. It is one of our favorite summer weekends!

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    1. We had childhood connections with lots of our cousins and spent a week in the summer with a couple of them at "Grandpa's house" - good times!

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  4. I'm glad you got a chance to connect with our cousins....I have some issues with meeting/socializing with people I don't know, so always resist get togethers, even funerals (especially funerals?) Not proud of this aspect of me, but accept it. thanks for your interesting and even inspirational post!

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    1. I can go to that place of not wanting to meet / socialize with people I don't know well - keeps me away from most work social things -- I am finding, though, that the cousin connections are builing - I guess that's what happens when we keep meeting up for funerals.....

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  5. I'd rather go to a funeral than a wedding...

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