Sunday, February 12, 2012

Really, People?

Some background first:

       About ten years ago I began a silly program at my school that, for lack of a better title, we called "red tickets".  Every week I put packets of ten blank red tickets in every staff member's mailbox.  I also keep a limitless supply in my office for any staff member who wants to grab more during the week.  I put them in the mailbox as a reminder to staff to USE them.  The deal with these red tickets is that they can be given to students for anything.  For example, if you wear an O'Neill brand tee shirt and you show it to me, I will give you one.  If you come to me at lunchtime and tell me something you learned in school that morning, I will give you one.  If you give me a multiple answer question about anything in your world and I get the answer wrong (which is usually the case as I know very little about Sponge Bob or Star Wars or some other hint of popular culture), I will give you one.  If it is your birthday, I will give you three.  If you do me a favor and run into my office at lunchtime and bring me my coat because I underestimated the temperature outside, I will give you one.  If I catch you picking up a piece of random litter, besides jumping up and down and saluting you to the high heavens, I will give you one.  Teachers might deliver on all of these same things, or perhaps tie it to some success in the classroom, or just distribute randomly.  You get the point.

       So what happens to the red tickets?  There is a wooden box in the office that is festooned with red tickets. Kids drop by the office all week to put their red tickets in the box.  Part of what makes Fridays fun is that I do a short "radio program" over the intercom during homeroom.  I begin with my hearty, "Welcome to Friday" greeting and then proceed to salute the efforts of whatever teams played this week or announce the winners of the walk and roll to school poster contest or play up the upcoming dance.  Finally I announce the red ticket prize winners for the week.  Typically, I have secured 10 or 12 prizes (for example, Baskin Robbins or Round Table Pizza gift certificates - donated by the companies -  or perhaps some treat of the season - chocolate Valentine hearts last Friday) and I pull the corresponding number of tickets.  I do spread them out and try to get a balance of winners across grade levels.  Between you and me, I also won't allow a kid to win repeatedly when others have not won (yes, I occasionally manipulate the drawing but all for good cause).  I pick the tickets before air time so as to have the chance to manipulate if necessary and to keep the radio program going smoothly.  Trust me, I am good at playing up the fake suspense.  It's also fun because often kids will include a "shout-out" to a teacher, friend, or celebrity and I am happy to read those over the intercom.  It's all about the levity.

    So what's the "Really, People?" title all about?  One of the three disgruntled parents with whom I dealt on Friday has a second grade son and a preschooler.  She came to the office after homeroom on Friday to protest the red ticket drawing.  She felt that a drawing like that was harmful to kids.  Her concern was that the ten or twelve winners were exulted and the remaining 480 or so kids were losers.   She wanted there to be a prize for every student or no prizes at all.  Of course, I listened to her complaint and thanked her for her feedback.  As you might expect, I pointed out that life has times when you don't get what you want and the red ticket drawing could also be seen as a chance to practice graceful "losing".  She would have nothing to do with that.  In fact, she strongly reiterated her concern that children are damaged when they can't be winners.  She walked out of the office in a bit of a huff.

      I wished she could have been open to more conversation and, perhaps, at a different time she might be.  What I wanted to say was, "Lighten up." I know she is being a mama bear protecting her cub but what if, instead of consoling him when he didn't win and enhancing his disappointment, she chose to say to him, "Oh, kiddo, it's just a silly little game JT plays.  Let's put another ticket in next week and see what happens." What if, instead of feeding his disappointment, she gave him some coping skills.  Let's face it.  Life is going to give him  plenty of opportunities to cope with not getting what he wants.  Rather than shelter him from something as insignificant as a weekly drawing for a candy heart, maybe she could model ways to deal with disappointment.

      From where I sit the red ticket drawings furnish many positive moments.  They add a bit of fun to Fridays.  They provide occasions for positive feedback.   They build connections between kids and adults on campus.  They make people smile (both donor and recipient).  They give kids a chance to come into the office and say hi to me and/or our principal.

     Here's the thing.  I've had my go at parenting but I am interested in what my blogging peeps say about this practice.  Are red ticket drawings damaging for kids or not damaging for kids?  What do you think?




**** PS.  I kid you not.  I thought about this topic BEFORE  I saw this morning's  Doonesbury comic strip.  Check it out!


14 comments:

  1. I think it's great. There is great value to learning to be a gracious non-winner, but what I love is increasing positive feedback and I really hope your teachers and staff are finding ways to give positive feedback to ALL the kids they encounter because all of them have something worth celebrating - it's just that some are less obvious than others.

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    1. I have to say that the staff at my school is particularly adept at seeing all kids. Most of the teachers really like what they do and most of them are cognizant of the sad stories that these kids are surrounded by. When we select students for Student of the Month, there is much consideration given to honoring role models and kids who are a positive addition to the school - in so many ways.

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  2. I am curious to know if the child was an active participant and how many red tickets he was awarded. If he was trying really hard, week after week and did not see any results, it might be frustrating for him. Looking at this from a second grader's point of view, I guess I can understand how disappointing it might be to not win a prize.
    Perhaps relating to it from an adult's point of view, it might be similar to being a dedicated employee, giving it 110% and not getting the acknowledgement and reward that you deserve.
    But apparently, the system has worked for 10 years. And obviously it has been something that the majority of students find fun and look forward to. So I would consider it a successful program that should stay in place. I have a feeling that the most of the kids would not want to see it end.
    Also I like that the tickets are awarded for things that don't have necessarily anything to do with academic or athletic achievement. Perhaps if the disgruntled parent recognized the benefits from the wide range of the skills being attained, such as, promotion of open communication, and socialization to contributing to a cleaner environment she might be more accepting of the program.
    Or you could ask that parent to participate in the program by suppling 500 prizes each week :)

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    1. For the record, this was actually the first time his ticket was in the box and that's one thing that made it all the more important that his mother not make a federal case out of it. This little boy has also been in my office twice in the last month for giving the teacher attitude. We've been working on that and I would happily reward him if I felt as if he had been working toward change. Frankly, I think he gets everything he wants at home and that's part of the attitude problem at school. He is unwilling to be productive when he doesn't feel like it..... but that' s not the point.
      I think I just want the parent to give the kid some guidance when it comes to not getting what you want rather than making it happen every time for him.
      But I would gladly take 500 prizes to be used throughout the year! Better that they come out of her wallet than my wallet!

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  3. I feel sorry for the children of that woman. Imagine always having to be a "winner." Good Buddha, what's up with that?

    Emphasizing and rewarding positive behavior, (I'll bet if you saw a kid pick up a piece of trash unbidden, you would give her/him two) is one of many keys to creating a safe and healthy climate on campus. As in any school, middle schools crave a positive environment.

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    1. You are so right - when I see a student pick up a pice of trash, I usually hand them several and they beam. I want that positive environment.

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  4. I think that while it hurts for a minute, children need to learn that life is not always fair or equitable. Sometimes you give it your all and the only prize you get is that you know you've done your best. When we teach our children to get satisfaction from a job well done, we've done our job as parents; help them learn how to get along without us someday. Or as I tell my 12 year old, "you're a git-grown-up in training"!

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    1. Hey, thanks for stopping by! Amen! Helping kids learn how to handle disappointment is important. It's tough to learn if you never have a chance to practice, heh?

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  5. My husband does "gold tickets" at his school. Kind of the same thing - - and same results!

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  6. Long live red ticket Fridays. I think parents who think they can (and should) protect their children from every disappointment in life are doing their children (and eventually society as a whole) a grave disservice.

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  7. The "Red Ticket" program appears to be working well. It is a vehicle for shaping the behavior of students, thereby, teaching them about all of life. The kids would most likely be pleased that their ticket was drawn and praise was given even if there was no prize at all. I am happy the merchants are chipping in with their donations because these students are the future of the community and the merchants should be invested in their future.....they need to have some skin in the game. I wouldn't give this woman too much power over the situation. She is a sour puss and will always bark at anything out of her control. She is not a happy person. It is good that she and met with you as she got a nice hit of "JT", and she needed that.....so good job...and carry on!

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    1. Hey thanks, Noel, and nice to see you here. Mark and I will be meeting in Willits on Friday - I have that painting for Pauline.

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  8. Red tickets and the drawing are not damaging to kids. As other commenters have noted, the tickets are a positive reinforcement. But unfortunately some people can't see the positive, no matter how hard we try to show it to them. Your intentions are clearly on the positive.

    Wonder how the mother feels about grades? Should all the children get A's so their feelings aren't hurt? Grrr.

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    1. GGRRRRRRRR is right. I had a dad in my office the other day SERIOUSLY wondering if his 8th grade daughter might have ADHD - b/c she had gotten a B - horrors! a B in a class -- ugh

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