Skin Over Bone

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop. ee cummings

       Before you can fight that battle, you have to know for whom you are fighting.  How do you separate yourself from everybody else?  How can you be certain that "yourself" has separated from everybody else?  And isn't later adulthood a bit late to be asking these questions?

      

I think I might have forgotten me.  

I moved on and left me behind? 

Or maybe I dropped me and

am refusing to deal with the pieces?  

I am trudging in some random direction.  

Navigating fear, or dodging its presence.

I don't see how I am going to come out all right,

whatever that might be 

and whomever I might be.

Choosing escape.

Choosing solitude.

Masks over masks over skin over bone over me

"We have plenty of time to fuck our lives up."

I hope this is true.  

Passion, Adventure and A Little Weirdness

The days are all the same.
Maybe that's how it is when you get past the surprises of life.  Some people insist that there are still surprises.  I guess there are but so much is already determined.  Your work life is set, unless you are downsized out of the job.  Your marriage is set or, at least you are supposed to be working toward that.  Your children are grown and their surprises are all their own now.  Sure, there are health surprises but they come along every few years and then you settle back down again.  Routine. And you dream about passion, adventure, and a little weirdness.

Pretty Lies

Feeling the warm sun on a random February day - all I wanted to do was breathe in the moment.  And hold on to it.  Wrap myself in that hour and pause life.  Make the out of control merry-go-round stop spinning.  Breathe and feel warmth, feel connection, disappear and yet be seen.  

It is what it is.  A story captivates me.  I am curious.  What drives the story now?  How was it shaped back then?   How are the story elements fused and blended?  Somehow I know I have things to learn from the story.

And so I wait.  Wait for more time.  Wait for more tension.  Wait for trust, connection, and surprises.

Curiosity must be patient.