January

Sinking down
January works it spell
or maybe it is life working spells
everything changes
what next?

Cliche of the Day

     The cliche of the day is the one about choices:  life is one choice after another.  It's all choices, whether you acknowledge it or not.  The tough thing about choices is that you never can predict the outcome.  You have to trust yourself and trust something unknown that all will be well.  There are the little choices.  Do I read or do I go out and do yard work?  Do I let the dogs in or let them stay out?  Do I have a cookie for breakfast or not?  There are the medium choices.  Do I spend money on a trip to Ireland or do I save the money to help pay for college expenses?  Do I get a mammogram this year or skip it?  Do I agree to edit the yearbook again this year or decline?  And, of course, there are the BIG decisions/choices.  Work or graduate school?  Marry this man or not?  Move to another part of the country or stay put?
     Funny thing is , even those little choices can get you. Surprises do happen.  Choices made that then led to the unexpected.  I chose to take a bike ride one afternoon and ended up with broken bones.  I went out to have lunch with my aunt one afternoon 35 years ago and ended up with a job teaching 8th grade.  I registered for a class one semester at SJSU and ended up getting divorced.  Go figure.
    And the big ones?  You do the best you can with the information that you have.  You make the choice and ride it out, never really knowing the outcome of any different options.   You made a choice and life unfolded.  And, still, surprises do happen.  Maybe even more so with the big choices.  And maybe all you can do is live and wait and be willing to be surprised.

The Long January

       It's an odd feeling.  It's January and I am not cranky.  I am not lost looking for springtime.  Yes, I am looking forward to the warmer days but I am oddly happy with the moment.  Strange place to find myself in January.  Historically, my January has been nothing but grey and damp and endless. Yet right now we are not even one third of the way through and yet I am not impatient with time.  Very odd.

       What's different?  I can't say.  I am happy with my work.  Busy and productive days connecting with kids and working toward necessary changes.  I am happy at home.  I look forward to weekends and naps and walks.  I look forward to evenings on the couch with Michael and Ellie and crosswords and Weeds and  soup and toast for dinner.  How can this be so different from past years when I slept January away?  When I pined desperately for springtime?  I am holding every day close and being glad for the days that I have, whenever they happen.  No more questions.

1/1/11

Yikes!  Look at all those ones!
We are at the beginning of something.
A race?
 No, not a race.
Just the beginning.
or maybe not?
Maybe just the same old life, only the next chapter?
But, wait!  Then this IS the beginning,
the beginning of a new piece.
So is every day.
So is every moment.