Friday, February 17, 2012
Dreams with the Boys
Night time has been quite captivating recently. Men and boys seem to dominate my dreamworld these nights and they are always entertaining to me. Who knows? Maybe because I grew up in a household that resonated with male energy but I am amused by and so very comfortable with men and boys. Don't get me wrong. I love my girlfriends and I am in love with the feminine side of me but males? They are fascinating to me and so much fun.
So what's up with dreams filled with men pretending to be my father, with uncles refusing to hug me when all I wanted to do was connect with my dead father, with brothers not letting me drive, with wannabe male cousins telling me I can't drive, with me being banished from "Papa's bathroom" and being relegated to using the shower in the "boys' bathroom" (clarification: as a teenager, there were two bathrooms in our house. One was for use by the 'rents and the two girls in the family; the other was for the seven boys in the family)? The dreams are resplendent in male references and female energy is completely absent, except for me, and I am all girl in the dreams.
I am one of those characters who likes to explore dreams. I think any meaning ascribed to my dreams has to come from me. With that in mind, I looked up the definition of masculine and feminine:
masculine: having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with men, especially strength and aggressiveness
feminine: having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness
So, what might these dreams be saying to me? The males dominate but usually in a negative way. When the uncle refuses to hug me, he is denying me strength. When these men won't let me drive, they are taking away my power. No girls in these dreams, not even in the bathrooms! What happened to delicate and pretty? Oh, that's right, that's for more youthful people.... or, delicate suggests fragile. Fragile is absent.
It's all stream of consciousness, right? Maybe there is strength to be uncovered? Maybe I need to push past the strong influences in my life and emerge as a more balanced person? Maybe I need to look more for vulnerability and fragility? Maybe my own pseudo strength gets in the way and leaves me open to assault of one kind or another. I suppose I will just have to wait and see what else is yet to be revealed. Interesting stuff.
PS: When I took the dogs on a dawn walk, I wrote a diatribe in my head about the state of California schools, particularly underfunded, small, non rural districts like my own. Composing this rant in my head made me so angry that I could literally feel the physical effects of rising blood pressure. I decided instead to throw the piece onto the ground in the cow pasture which was along side the road where I was walking. It belongs there with its own kind.
Aren't you proud of me? And perhaps this is the toxic emotional waste to which you were referring, Tangled Lou?